My initial foray into fatherhood was successful. The Terrible Twos and the Tantrum Threes were clever alliterations fabricated by failing parents to conceal their inadequacies as caregivers. I met my wife right about the time I self-proclaimed myself father of the year. On May 23rd 2009, we caught The National in concert, sang/laughed/danced in unison with Matt Berninger, drove back home, put on a slow show, and fomented the maelstrom that was to be our daughter.
When we discovered my wife was pregnant, our daughter was around the size of a poppy seed, or so said the website. Baby was going to be a girl, thought my wife… She would be Lenore. She would be Rain. She would be Rain-Lenore. The next day, she would be named after deceased and beloved family members. Rain-Lenore, meet Laurie-Claude. All throughout the pregnancy, Laurie-Claude was affectionately referred to as our Poppy Seed, even when she was as big as a honeydew melon, drawing from her womb—tiny fingers for paint brushes, and her mother’s belly for a canvas.
The conventional medicine route was not one for us. Early on, my wife and I met with an OB/GYN in a sterile downtown office. The joy of expecting had a hefty dollar sign to it: from the price of the fetal imaging DVD to the integrated prenatal screening, peace of mind did not come cheap. The OB/GYN and I sat in a small cubicle, with our clothes on, while my wife laid on her back on an exam table, in a hospital gown. Pap smear, cervical culture, urine and blood tests, prodding of the belly: Congratulations, it seems like you’re having a baby. Take an appointment here ($), there ($$), and I’ll see you again in 4 weeks with the results ($$$). Next! This would be our last visit.
We opted for a natural birth with a midwife, in a birthing center—It was a wonderful experience. We met strong and empathetic midwives, women who empowered us during the pregnancy by giving us choices, and by demystifying some of the mandatory birthing procedures that modern medicine will often impose. We met semimonthly, to listen to the heartbeat of our Poppy Seed, to talk about the risks of postpartum blues, and to strengthen the relationship with our midwives. A peaceful pregnancy which ended up nonetheless in a hospital, with a C-section, with our midwife standing by our side, as a spectator…
Poppy was born three years ago today, and absolutely nothing went according to plan. Our daughter was in a breech position, and my wife and I were informed that a natural birth was consequently impossible. After seven months of bliss with the midwives, we were rushed to an operating room, where my wife delivered our baby under a scalpel. A vitamin K shot was routinely administered to our newborn, and mummy spent her first moments with our baby under the influence of morphine. It was a 48-hour stay in a shared hospital room where nurses and doctors took turns probing mom and daughter, until the very morning we were sent back home, with a hasty good luck from the medical team, and a governmental guide on how to be good parents, in seven easy steps.
Things I have learned (or were reminded of) as a second-time dad: sleep doesn’t live with you when you welcome a newborn to your home, breastfeeding is as easy as caring for a bonsai tree, and the greatest lesson of all: every child is different and unique. My daughter was the bulldozer that smashed the park to smithereens, reconstructed the playground to her liking, and proclaimed herself Unruly Ruler of the Queendom. It was not a democracy. Our family marched to a new beat, and by marched, I mean hustled, head down, ego in check, unrolling the red carpet for the Queen.
It’s not that the girl formerly known as Lord Evil Poppy is a bad seed. I Me Mine: she has a mind of her own, which means she will sleep when she decides it’s time for some shuteye, she will eat if it’s tofu dessert, and she will play nice when all toys of the world are declared hers. Our daughter is a creative child with a vivid imagination, and has developed her special lingo: let me down, I don’t want it, feed me your soul. Remember The Flintstones? Think Bamm-Bamm, with a hint of Galactus. Occasionally, she will sit on my lap, kiss me with her pacifier in her mouth, and coerce me into giving her the remote by using the dark side of the Force. She’s her father’s daughter all right.
This is how I remember your story. We haven’t slept in three years, and we’ve gone gray, but I look much wiser because of it. You’ve been through so much in so little time. You sit beside me with an ear infection as I write these last words, grumpy, fussing, kicking me… and I want to kick you back, be grumpy, make a fuss about my lower back pain, and steal the remote control from you… But I won’t, because you’re the birthday girl. And I love you. Happy birthday, Poppy.
Related Post: My wife’s letter to our daughter on her third birthday.
Le Clown/ Poor Eric,
Another thing we have in common… you should come acquaint yourself with Princess Red Chief.
UC/L
Posted by UndercoverL | February 11, 2013, 16:07UC/L,
Yes, please…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 11, 2013, 20:00Eric,
She is demonic. It’s a good thing she is so cute; it’s her only saving grace, because despite the fact that she could out-scream a Tasmanian She-Devil during her period, Princess Red Chief is still smaller than I am. If I’d only known about girls before….
UC/L
Posted by UndercoverL | February 11, 2013, 23:31Between you and Sara I feel like giving in a shot at having kids some day, but I know it won’t happen. I’ll be happy with seeing my niece every other year.
Really nice post, grey hair is sexy, I’m working myself into it.
Posted by Doggy's Style | February 11, 2013, 17:07Leo,
You will rock the grey, yes you will.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:36Aye, shit, Eric. First Sara’s post made me cry, now yours has… hugs to your whole damn, sweet family.
Posted by Val | February 11, 2013, 18:00Val,
I suggest an episode of The Walking Dead.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 11, 2013, 19:59Good idea.
Posted by Val | February 11, 2013, 20:17Ah Eric! You made me cry. Sara made me cry. But good tears. Isn’t love just the sweetest, messiest maddest thing? Just like Poppy. I hope she gets double cake. And then some for dessert.
Much love, Nicole xx
Posted by Cauldrons and Cupcakes | February 11, 2013, 18:04Nicole,
We all overdosed on gluten-free brownies and French Vanilla ice cream… I will never eat sweet again until tomorrow…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 11, 2013, 19:33Such a sweet post. straight from the heart.
Posted by She's a Maineiac | February 11, 2013, 19:04Darla,
Yeah… Emotions are stupid…
Eric
PS: Thanks.
Posted by Le Clown | February 11, 2013, 19:25Happy Birthday, Poppy. May all good blessings come to you and your family!
Posted by Cathy Ulrich | February 11, 2013, 20:00Cathy,
Thank you, and I hope all is well with you.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:35She’s so friggin’ cute!
Posted by denmother | February 11, 2013, 20:47DenMother,
Hi ACOF Wrangler! Guess we’re BFF4EVS™ now!
This will be fun.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:31Le Clown,
Slotting me in the month following Speaker7, blogger fantastique who is going to blow the roof off this wrangler thing, is not the most nurturing and supportive thing a new BFF4EVS™ could do. I am thinking this is my first test, asshole. Fuck you.
Did I pass?
Denmother
Posted by denmother | February 16, 2013, 09:49Denmother,
Well… Let’s just say that you might have had a better score if you had posted this comment on the contest thread, and not on a post which celebrates my daughter’s first three years…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | February 16, 2013, 10:07Gah! I replied to you in my comment area and your reference to the contest. You had me mixed up far from a carnie post. No nonsense on the post for Poppy! My humblest of humble apologies, Le Clown.
Denmother
Posted by denmother | February 16, 2013, 10:24Hands down, cutest kid I have ever seen, man. I love that movie cover too – you fucking photoshop snob…
Posted by Adam S | February 11, 2013, 20:59Adam,
Thanks for noticing the poster. I really like the end results. I was once asked on a torrent site where one could find that movie to download. It was a proud moment.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:27OK, awesome post. So sweet. So impressed.
And gee, I have to agree, having number two changes EVERYTHING! One was so easy! ARRRRRRGH!!!!!
Posted by Monk Monkey | February 11, 2013, 21:19Monk Monkey,
Hey ho! My old/new metamorphosed friend! Don’t you look dashing as a monk monkey… So see you soon!
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:26Eek-eek!
I am HOT!
Posted by Monk Monkey | February 12, 2013, 23:07Happy Birthday Poppy! This is so touching.
Posted by daniheart21 | February 11, 2013, 21:31Dani,
It’s good to see you here. Thank you!
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:24Happy birthday, Poppy! What a wonderful life you have ahead of you. Enjoy it. And be nice to your Dad and Mom once in a while.
Posted by Elyse | February 11, 2013, 21:54Elyse,
That’s right! You tell that Poppy Seed to behave! And she did last night… We had two consecutive nights of sleep….. Now, there must be a bomb hidden somewhere…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:24Well after so much scrolling to get to this comment box I don’t know if I have energy left to comment.
Your post of your daughter’s conception, your wife’s pregnancy, birthing by c-section, and the ensuing growth of your poppy seed was such a delightful read. I suppose i will have to return for more, When I “signed up” I knew that you were extremely popular but this is unreal 
Really! Regards, Yvonne
Posted by petspeopleandlife | February 11, 2013, 23:16Yvonne,
Good to see you! All these wonderful bloggers commenting have been secretly payed to like my posts so I can pretend to be powerful.
Looking forward to seeing you again…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:22What a great post!!!
I also had two breech c-section births so I know what you’re talking about with all that entails! And weirdly enough, I wanted to name my daughter Raina for the longest time, and considered Nora and Lenore. Also Raven. Love those R-N combos I guess!
Congrats on making it three years without kicking each other to pieces.
Posted by Kylie | February 12, 2013, 00:05Kylie,
Love these names, there’s something romantic and gothic about them. There’s nothing wrong with a C-section, but it’s a bit of a blow when you prepare yourself for a natural birth, which would take place in a very peaceful room, instead of a very sterile operating room. But our daughter is here, loving, and feeding on souls.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:19What a real, beautiful, loving celebration!
As I read through, I found myself reminiscing about my first little love — so many similarities, from the breech C-section, to the breast feeding, to the keeping and sleeping of unusual hours, to the fierce and free-reign spirit, to the absolute adoration of this creation, this creature, at times wholly unknowable.
My little love is all grown up now, though the same as she ever was.
Enjoy your Poppy Seed — and celebrate her life! And your life right along with her. Smiles!
Posted by ♡eM | February 12, 2013, 00:30♡eM,
You write the nicest comments, do you know that? Your daughter is lucky to have a mom like you.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:11I tend to think I’m one lucky mother!
Posted by ♡eM | February 12, 2013, 10:42That’s such a lovely birthday tribute…She will be overwhelmed when she grows up and reads this. I loved this post and the way you have written it. It really is beautiful!
Posted by Read Stuff With Me! | February 12, 2013, 00:42Nikita,
Thank you. We had a lovely evening last night with her, enjoying brownies and ice cream. Life is pretty sweet…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:08Eric,
I would like to be able to hit that like button one billion times!
Happy (belated here) birthday to you, Poppy and keep doing what you do best, I’m sure your parents will get over it (insert smile).
Big hug,
mmkng
P.S. If my daughter is as devilish as Poppy, can I hope for the brother/sister to come (if there will be one in the future) to be a saint?
Posted by mmkng | February 12, 2013, 04:23MMKNG,
I wish I could say yes… But what if your daughter turns up to be the saint, and was a walk in the park compared to baby #2?
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 12, 2013, 09:05Eric,
I really enjoy your way of making me see reality more real than I wished it to be.
Well, this is the reason why I still have only one devil around the house.
Thank you,
mmkng
Posted by mmkng | February 12, 2013, 09:09Happy birthday to Poppy. She’s beautiful.
Posted by faithhopechocolate | February 12, 2013, 09:47Faith,
Thanks, friend.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:51I see we are blessed with similar creatures. Someday, in the not-so-distant future, our daughters will be ruling the world.
Happy Birthday, Poppy!
Posted by michellestodden | February 12, 2013, 09:55Michelle,
Yay!!! And perhaps we will be allowed to sleep?
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:52Eric,
The words you write are such a gift to your daughter and your readers. Very beautiful post my friend. I held my third Granddaughter the other day when she was 6 hours old and tears came to my eyes. The same tears well up now.
Thank you,
Red
Posted by SocietyRed | February 12, 2013, 11:48Red,
Congrats again on the newly arrived bundle of joy… The pictures on Facebook were just beautiful…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:51Thanks Eric. Kinda throws me for a loop.
John
Posted by SocietyRed | February 19, 2013, 11:41So adorable.
Posted by Soul Walker | February 12, 2013, 12:47Soul,
Thanks, man.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:50Eric,
The daughter is pretty cute too.
-Soul Walker
Posted by Soul Walker | February 13, 2013, 13:53So much love and eloquence in both yours and Sara’s posts. Thanks for sharing that piece of your journey.
Love you all,
Tracy
Posted by tracy fulks | February 12, 2013, 20:50Tracy,
We have a very inspiring little girl…… Thanks, Tracy. Love you right back.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:49What a beautiful little girl. She seems pretty lucky in the dad department.
Posted by alex | February 12, 2013, 20:55Alex,
That’s very kind of you to say… And for the sake of her birthday, I won’t argue.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:48Oh how blimmin’ lovely, I’m a bit teared up now. Happy Birthday Poppy! Do hope she’s all better now.
Posted by weezafish | February 13, 2013, 09:28Weezafish,
She’s doing much better, thank you. She is back in daycare, with that ginormous personality of hers…
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:47Poppy FTW! I am in love with her just from hearing her little voice and seeing her bounce up a storm on your couch via Skype. Ah Poppy. Happy Birthday!
Posted by becca3416 | February 13, 2013, 11:15Becca,
I have a feeling you two would bond quickly.
Eric
Posted by Le Clown | February 13, 2013, 13:46Happy birthday, little one! This post was perfect, and then that last picture? Bam. Killed me.
Posted by Ashley Austrew | February 13, 2013, 17:15Happy Birthday Poppy!
(We call our little baking bun “paya” – for papaya, obviously – at the moment, after being an olive for awhile, and a mango for a little bit too.)
After six months of working with our midwife we had a slight falling out based on a difference of opinion, which all came to a head when she said, “I need you to do this if you would like to continue working with me.” (Are you threatening us?!) That turned out to be a slight miscommunication (though we aren’t really sure how she could have meant that any other way than how it sounds), a lost in translation via email sort of thing, and will continue to work with her but that is mostly because we are out of other options. With only a month left to go it’s too late to try and get pencilled in with a different midwife. We are considering hiring a doula to help smooth things over day of and to be additional support and chearleading (which we obviously aren’t going to get from our midwife anymore).
The icing on the cake will be when we end up at the hospital anyway…
But, as I keep telling my wife – the result will be the same. Wherever, however, when all is said and done our little family will have grown by one. And we will get to look forward to all the grand adventures our little angel (devil, who are we kidding considering the parents), leads us on.
Again, Happy 3rd Birthday Poppy!
Posted by djmatticus | February 13, 2013, 18:15This was a lovely, touching story. Your daughter is very beautiful and seems to have a great personality. You need all the patience in the world to handle that, as she is only 3. But I am sure you will make it, love conquers all. Happy bday to your little one:)
Posted by Lavinia | February 14, 2013, 04:06These posts/memories are good to write down. I find I barely remember what I made for dinner last night, let alone what the kids were like months or years ago. It is also good to have the memory to know you have survived some of the stages. You’ll think back and go: Really? You were like that? And then other times you will think back and go: Really? You are still like that. Sometimes, nothing is surprising.
She is loved, she is unique, and she is yours. What more could one want?
Posted by iRuniBreathe | February 14, 2013, 17:42Gawwwd I love this! That last picture is making me cry a little.
Posted by Jill Pinnella Corso | February 14, 2013, 21:19Happy birthday to your precious little girl! We had to do the emergency c-section route and it was awful. But, looking back, I have a happy little dude, who, like your Poppy, didn’t let’s sleep all night until he was well past 3 years old. We call him Luke Nightwalker. The force is strong, my friend.
Posted by jeandayfriday | February 15, 2013, 08:28Eric,
This is such a wonderful post, and a wonderful tribute to your daughter. Sorry I didn’t arrive here sooner.
Adam
Posted by adamjasonp | February 15, 2013, 19:56so touching!
Posted by Lyssapants | February 18, 2013, 17:54I absolutely adored this post, Le Clown. You have the most amazing picture there at the end and I hope you cherish it forever. Just amazingly uplifting and heavenly.
Cheers!
Marie
Posted by Marie - Good Morning, Joe | February 18, 2013, 22:39Such a realistic and touching post. It’s amazing what our children bring into our lives and the amount of love that just flows non stop, beautiful daughter and a belated or an early happy birthday depending on your view. Cheers
Posted by Bob Lee | March 2, 2013, 10:34