Let truth be told: Le Clown is on bed rest. That’s right, he’s been prescribed some time off by his doctor. Why, Le Clown? Because of an old back injury. But you have a magnificent™ body, Le Clown… I know, my Carnies, but this old lumbar sprain is starting to feel like a herniated disk. A herniated disk? That’s terrible… Do you need help? I’ll take the next flight to Montreal… That’s very nice of you, Carnies, but that won’t be necessary, I’m on Dilaudid. Holy synthesized morphine, Le Clown! But you’re a recovering alcoholic, and drug addict, should you be on narcotics? Mind your own business, fuckers! Now give me two of those…
LE CLOWN’S BRAIN ON DILAUDID.
Le Clown has been in bed since January 8… that’s a mighty long time for this type A blogger: ask my wife (who should be canonized for having to deal with my whining), Le Clown does not make a good patient. But you’ve been writing and posting, Le Clown… Indeed, my very astute readership. But Le Clown had a few posts ready to be published in his back pocket for rainy days like these… Oh! Le Clown, you truly are magnificent™.
I know.
I’m out of pre-written magnificence™. And I am forced to take the next week off as my brain is out of stamina. Le Clown, don’t abandon us!!! Fret not, my Leprechauns, I have covered my bases. What do you mean, Sir Le Clown? You play baseball? Of course not, my gun loving American readers.. It means that I have asked five of my favourite humourists to entertain you while I try and multiply the few braincells that I have left. Sarah Silverman will be guest blogging on ACOF? No, no no… Five amazing bloggers, just wait until Monday. I’m not telling… But Le Clown, why didn’t you ask me? You’re right… This is what I will do: I will open one more slot next week for a sixth guest. If you want it, let me know in the comments below. Subcomadante and myself will pick one randomly, and we will contact you by email… Le Clown, you are magnanimous™. Thank you. Please give me some of your semen so I can have your child…
…No.
So what will you be doing next week? I’ll be visiting the US of A in my mind, riding on my unicorn… First stop, Alburquerque, New Mexico!!! And then, your gun haven is my oyster! Please come in numbers next week, and encourage my guest bloggers. I’m counting on you, and I will keep count. Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free, or something biblical like that.
Le Clown in Albuquerque, New Mexico. See how clever I am? You went straight for my duck face and didn’t even stare at my breasts.
LC/Eric, take good care of you! Geez, that must be painful but you’ve got your candy to make you feel better and the lovely Sara and sweet ones to serve you chicken soup. Get well and we’ll miss your wisdom, but I feel certain once you rest, you’ll be back — better, stronger and if this is even possible — wiser than before.
Posted by Brigitte | February 1, 2013, 15:28Oh Le Clown back,
I ache hearing of this misery. No fun and the ceiling must still look the same.
I would like to delude myself by wishing for the coveted 6th spot, but I am saving up my strength for when I am Wrangler. We can’t do it all, you know. I am choosing my battles wisely with my wiles.
Because your back hurts, I will give you a hug on one arm and not cause you any more damage.
Posted by iRuniBreathe | February 1, 2013, 16:32From your sickbed you’re trying to wrangle us into another fucking contest? Oh no. Not this time Le Clown. I will not be vying for the coveted 6th position because here’s what’s gonna happen. You get us all riled up throwing us peanuts and shit again, then you’ll go all addict on us and forget that you have a blog. Contenders are spent, all caught up in your fucking endless contests while leaving our blogs to rot in the well of used up creativity. You’re all high and happy and we’re all fucked. Waiting.
Hope you see fit to attend the Cougar Den like-in, if you have any clue what the fuck that is in your world of contests. You’re still invited. For now. Don’t fuck it up. I still like you. I think. No, I do. Fuck.
Posted by denmother | February 1, 2013, 16:57Denmother,
No contest. No braincells either. Two negatives make a positive,right?
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | February 1, 2013, 18:26I think so. Wait, did I overreact? Stop fucking with me Le Clown. I know where Montreal is.
Denmother
Posted by denmother | February 1, 2013, 18:57Le Clown,
I really like her.
Twindaddy
Posted by twindaddy | February 1, 2013, 23:07Le Clown,
Sorry for your back pain, jealous of your narcotics.
I will put my hat in the ring *if* (and only if) you want:
a) no French people following you
b) no fellow Canadians following you
c) people who stalk me following you (that would be three people)
d) a lot of whining and talking about periods and PITA children.
If you can say “yes” to all of those, I am your gal. I didn’t think so.
Get better, or get high trying.
U/CL (oh, I forget… is it UC/L? Blast.)
Posted by UndercoverL | February 1, 2013, 17:10Rest your wicked and weary mind Le Clown and come back to us with all cylinders firing. And watch out for the narcotics, them’s some crazy shit.
Posted by nekkidsoul | February 1, 2013, 17:19Brutal. Sorry to hear it – that is indeed a long time to be out of commission.
Posted by The Byronic Man | February 1, 2013, 17:48Bless your heart. I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. I hurt my back once really, really badly and it was way worse than childbirth. So just know that in case you ever get knocked up, the hard part is already over.
Posted by Emily @ The Waiting | February 1, 2013, 21:07Le C.,
you are hilarious. I was just a step away from inserting that “pick me, pick me” thing again, but as last time I did this, the gods unleashed their fury on me, so I – despite not being on dihydromorphinone and not having to be on bed rest – couldn’t continue on that one (I guess I got too scared), I suppose it’s better not to say/write anything reckless this time. I can’t wait to see what your guest bloggers are up to.
Hugs,
mmkng
Posted by mmkng | February 2, 2013, 04:14Eric,
I hope you feel better soon. Sending a hug and some healing energy and I’ll do my part to support the troops next week.
Cathy
Posted by Cathy Ulrich | February 2, 2013, 10:00Ouch! Have you tried physio/osteo/massage therapy? I hope you feel better soon!
Posted by steph50 | February 2, 2013, 12:03You should really give up crime-fighting. You’ll throw out your back permanently if you don’t. Le WheelCharriott on Fire.
Posted by mabukach | February 2, 2013, 17:51Ouch. Commiserations M. Le Clown.
-hugs-
Posted by acflory | February 2, 2013, 18:07LC,
Jan 8th? Addictions and possible bed sores.
Get well soon!
A
Posted by adamjasonp | February 2, 2013, 18:11Adam,
Good to see you. I was on Dilaudid for 10 days. It was replaced yesterday with Tramacet but that failed miserably… It gave me severe nausea and I ended up vomiting a good portion of the morning…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | February 2, 2013, 18:22LC,
Beds. Meds. Hazy heads. Nothing says uneasy like persistent vomiting.
A
Posted by adamjasonp | February 2, 2013, 18:28My dearest Le Clown,
Back pain is no fun, how are you having sex with this back pain? You must get it fixed right away. Oh well and I am sure you have others things in life you need to do as well.
NC
Posted by nevercontrary | February 2, 2013, 20:24Feel better, Eric! Also: Dilaudid – best drug ever. I understand why it is so addicting; I had to promptly return my unused portion to the pharmacy because I loved it so, so much (that’s probably not a good thing for me to admit).
Posted by crankygiraffe | February 2, 2013, 22:59First: I am confused by that picture. In it you have a beard. You didn’t have a beard before and now you have a beard. Look, do you have a beard or not? Plus, you don’t een look like a clown and we can see your brain in that picture.
Second: I am happy to write a blog post for you while you are sick in bed. Even if it doesn’t pay. Does it pay? I hope the job does pay but I am willing to do it even if it does not. Maybe you could pay just a little bit?
Posted by davidhardingblogs | February 3, 2013, 04:26David,
Is this a bearded man typing, or a clown… or neither?
Thank you, my dear friend from the land down under. I have added you to the list of potential guest blogger. Let’s hope Luck is not a bearded lady.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | February 5, 2013, 09:41Aw, get well soon! Nothing worse than a bad back. Ok, maybe if your head fell off, that would be worse. Or if you lost your hands, you wouldn’t be able to drive the clown car around any more, that would suck.
Posted by Cakes and Shakes... | February 3, 2013, 06:56Wishing you a speedy recovery, because I can’t imagine anything less magnificent than a spineless Le Clown.
I’m sorry. I’m a recovering bad pun addict. …It’s not going well.
But seriously – I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Posted by Go Jules Go | February 3, 2013, 09:10Much sympathy for the back pain. Hope the Smurfs and other hallucinations aren’t too distressing. Looking forward to the guest posts and of course, and most importantly, the return of Le Clown and his Magnificience™ once that the pain has subsided. Xxx
Posted by faithhopechocolate | February 3, 2013, 10:45Sorry to hear about your back troubles Le Clown. One of the worse places to have a pain because there’s no fucking way you’re getting comfortable. I’d like a shot at the open guest post spot please.
Posted by Wendy Reid | February 4, 2013, 01:38What?! I decide to seriously return to perusing my favorite blogs, and you leave me like this?! I don’t want no stinking guest bloggers, I want the genuine Le Clown™! Methinks you might be hiding something from me.
Serious Angel says, I hope your back feels better soon. It’s been going on for a whole month? Wow.
Posted by Angel Fractured | February 4, 2013, 18:09Angel,
A whole fucking month, and let me tell you, I am worried. I’m fed up of feeling good, taking two steps and feeling lower back pain… Argh. And I am a big whiny and it’s like that. Welcome back, Angel!!
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | February 4, 2013, 18:12Gracias!
That does indeed seem worrisome. It sounds like you have the right to whine for a brief spell.
Posted by Angel Fractured | February 4, 2013, 18:38‘Allo, ‘Allo!
Hook told us about your back. Incapacitation of any sort ain’t fun.
Since you posted this 10 days ago, I hope you’re back (Le) Clownin’ around. If not, what on earth (in hell?) are you waiting for? *wink* (I caught myself before I emoticon-ed! Whew!)
Kate
Posted by For you, Daddy! | February 10, 2013, 00:02