WHY A PERSONAL ASSISTANT FOR LE CLOWN?
Le Clown is three degrees of separation from Tom Cruise, three times over. Le Clown thinks its prudent to augment his security details. Introducing Subcomandante.
SUBCOMANDANTE’S BIO
Subcomandante was born and raised in a chicken coop. Free range, though, so social services were never called. After watching her family get slaughtered and turned into food for evil overlords, and watching hundreds of her unborn brothers and sisters get abducted, Subcomandante decided to fight back. Fleeing the coop at the tender age of 163 (in chicken years) she swore she would take back the power and the land that was stolen from her fowl. Since that fateful day, she has remained anonymous to protect her identity but fought tirelessly for those who are enslaved, exiled, mistreated, and forgotten. It was good work but ya can’t pay the bills with courage. Subcomandante has tried. So now, she works for Le Clown, which also doesn’t pay, but has better dental.
THE ONLY KNOWN PICTURE OF SubC
WHY SubC MAKES A GOOD ASSISTANT
- SubC never sleeps. Except on days with an “a”.
- SubC is ruthless. Except to baby mammals like otter pups. She’s not made of stone.
- SubC has iron will and no amount of money less than $80 dollars can sway her. Nor nude photos, unless they’re of otter pups.
- SubC has a heart, and understands the suffering of the people. She’s been there, man.
- SubC likes the idea of protecting a celebrity.
A MESSAGE FROM SUBCOMANDANTE
It is a great privilege to take on the role of Subcomandante. I promise, on my hono(u)r, to do my duty to ACOF, and you. I am the gatekeeper, assuring the safety and privacy of Le Clown. I am the virtual body guard, protecting and deflecting assault from the ethersphere. I am the strict parent who can say “no” with authority, will not let you stay up late on school nights, so you can stop asking right now. In short, if you want to get to him, you’ll have to go through me first. So it shall be.
p.s. Super nice to meet you.
Q&A
Do you, dear Carnies, have any queries for Subcomandante? Now is your chance. Questions regarding “the incident” of January 1, 1994, are strictly forbidden.
ADDENDUM
Subcomandante is NOT Le Clown, nor his very sensitive and whiny author. Subcomandante is not a character, but a living and breathing force to be reckoned with.
Wow SubC,
Finally meeting the 5th of the Squamish five is a great honor…….go ahead – kill me, I’ll die happily.
Just don’t get mixed up in any Quebec separatist fracas ……ACOF has enough fire!
RidicuRyder
Posted by ridicuryder | January 8, 2013, 21:12ridicuryder,
Like many of my comrades devoted to direct action, I only participate in unarmed methods of protest. However, my hands are classified as deadly weapons. I can never wear gloves or keep them in my pockets or I will be charged with carrying a concealed weapon by the fascist regimes of Western Neo-Liberal pseudo democracies.
In short, I will not kill you. You have my word.
SubC
Posted by Subcomandante | January 10, 2013, 09:52SubC is hot. Is she seeing anyone?
Also, you’re “three degrees of separation from Tom Cruise, three times over”? How the fuck did I start following this blog?! You know i have Xenuphobia.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | January 9, 2013, 03:07Fear not, Jen and Tonic,
I vow to keep Cruise and his kind forever separate from this sacred place.
I am indeed hot. Wearing a ski mask 24/7 makes one sweaty.
Posted by Subcomandante | January 10, 2013, 09:45Shit. So I shouldn’t tag Le Clown in the post with the buttermilk fried CHICKEN recipe, huh…? Guess SubC doesn’t really approve of the Chick-fil-A “EAT MOR CHIKIN” billboards then either…
Posted by vyvacious | January 10, 2013, 03:03Vyvacious,
I abhor all who profit from the slaughter of my brethren and sistren. I also abhor bad spelling.
Posted by Subcomandante | January 10, 2013, 09:43I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. Go to my blog to find out about it.
Posted by mairedubhtx | January 13, 2013, 17:58I believe Le Clown doesn’t know me, nor I him. But I have heard a lot about him from Mr. Cruise–never mind. No one said anything.
Glad you’re here to protect Le Clown. Welcome!
Posted by adorablyad | March 5, 2013, 01:04