Today begins The Great XMAS Blogroll Induction Extravaganza. Each day until the end of 2012, one lucky blogger will enjoy a life-changing experience: a permanent place on my blogroll. The fortunate ones will be granted an exclusive and gleeful avatar linking back to their site, for which I have commissioned The Middlest Sister…… Nah, I’m just fucking with you, I’m no Mother Teresa… I made the avatar myself in between two episodes of Hoarders. Hey, Bill McMorrow, you’re lucky number one! Why, because of this, this, this and this… Oh, and Bill… Fuck Terry O’Reilly… Scumbag.
Christmas has arrived a wee bit early this year. At least for me, as I have been inducted into Le Clown’s Blogroll. Actually I have been inducted back into the Blogroll. I first achieved the honoUr earlier this year. It was easily one of the top 137 greatest moments of my life. I basked in the glow of people recognizing me from Le Blogroll. Complete strangers were approaching me in public and saying things like, “Oh you’re the voice of your generation”, and “Can you get me some of Le Clown’s DNA so I can clone him and keep him as my pet ?” or “Hey, you’re supposed to have a handicapped plate to park there, asshole!”
Then I had some writers block and took a hiatus from the wonderful world of blogging for a while. Hey it happens to the best of us. Even Hemingway had a well documented period when all the creative ideas ceased. No, not Ernest Hemingway, Papa didn’t use the web. I mean Margaux. Or maybe I mean Mariel? I always confuse those Hemingwayseses, and it shall be my downfall one day. Anyways, when I took a break, Le Clown sent me an email that said, and I’m paraphrasing:
Dear The Bill,
Hello good sir, where have you gone. I miss you something bad. Maybe your busy writing a song that will inspire the children of the world to learn Karate. Unfortunately for you, I am such an inspiration to so many people that my blogroll has become a hotly contested battleground. It’s a “swing state” as they say in your silly American politics, Clown On Fire = Ohio. People know that to get any type of recognition in this blog eat blog world, you gotta come through Le Clown. Therefore I must remove you from the hallowed spot that you now hold. If you decide to continue kicking the worlds funny bones faces ass with your provocative and sultry witticisms, (or if you get Freshly Pressed) please feel free to reapply for membership. You will have to pay a small administrative fee, but that’s just standard operating procedure. No, seriously, it is, and the fee cannot be waived. Listen, I got a circus to run. Cotton candy doesn’t grow on trees. But imagine if it did?
Regrettably,
Le Clown
At first I was heartbroken. See, this wasn’t just any clown. This wasn’t some penny ante, two-bit, nickel knocking, dime store Willie Whistle wannabe. This was Le Clown. Which is French for The Clown. THE. CLOWN. He was one of the first bloggers that I followed, as well as one of the first to follow me. He gave me sarcastic words of encouragement. He gave me hope when the words wouldn’t come. He gave me a coupon good for one free admission to the circus with the purchase of one qualifying paid adult admission. Sure, it turns out that the coupon was only good for the Tuesday afternoon matinée, and had also already expired. But that’s my fault. I should have checked that shit out before I paid for parking. I should know better than that. Stupid me.
But I understood his decision. Furthermore, I respected it. Le Clown doesn’t have the time to be explaining things to people, he’s busy building a media empire amongst the blogosphere. Not only does he have A Clown On Fire, but also Black Box Warnings, and his well documented and highly successful Bloggers For Movember movement. He is also a great philanthropist, having auctioned of his homegrown face pubes to the highest bidders for the Movember cause.
Someone just scored some of that precious Le Clown DNA.
Lucky!
Yay Bill!
Posted by La La | December 19, 2012, 07:04Yay me! Hahahaha
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 08:59You stole my Facebook comment on this post. GET OUT OF MY HEAD LAUREN!
Posted by becca3416 | December 19, 2012, 09:41Oh I’ll be here for a long, long time.
Posted by La La | December 19, 2012, 10:35Not so secretly content with this.
Posted by becca3416 | December 19, 2012, 10:37C’mon, ladies. We can all say Yay Bill!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:36I tried to say it, but it came out ‘Bay Yill!’
Sorry, man.
Posted by calahan | December 19, 2012, 13:03I stand corrected
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 13:04Bill,
I’m glad you made it back into Le Clown’s good graces. Anyone who can write so eloquently about wooing sweet beautiful baby ladies deserves no less.
Speaker7
Posted by speaker7 | December 19, 2012, 07:23Thanks Speaker, he did make me promise to wash his car once a week. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked inside a clown car, but eeewwwww.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 09:00Haha! I am sure all your avatars will be a wonder to behold, Le Clown. Bill, I enjoyed your writing style and followed your blog!
Posted by Nicole Smeltzer | December 19, 2012, 07:33Nicole,
Thank you. Here’s the avatar that you will all be granted…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 07:34How festive!
Posted by Nicole Smeltzer | December 19, 2012, 07:45I saw Avatar. They don’t look like that.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 09:03Thanks Nicole, you’re too kind, yet just kind enough.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 09:03So….your doing blogrolls until the 21st?
Posted by Christopher De Voss | December 19, 2012, 08:32Chris,
You see right through my shenanigans… That was my way of getting out easy…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 08:40I saw through it too. But I’m cool with it. Merry Xmas Clown!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:17What’s up on the 21st?
Posted by TAE | December 19, 2012, 09:28The end of the world.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:37Ah…the pleasures of not having TV and not frequenting certain sites on the internet.
I am calm and confident~
Posted by TAE | December 19, 2012, 11:41Or it might just be a regular Friday. C’mon Mayans, make up your mind!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:54Hee heee heeeeeeeeeeee – someone new to follow! Excellent post….funny, funny man
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | December 19, 2012, 08:45I love being followed. Wait, you’re not a cop, are you? Hahaha
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 09:06I’m a mercenary – it’s somewhat worse. Beware….I know T’ai Chi….I’l be coming for you very very very slowly….
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | December 19, 2012, 09:07Hahahaha
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:30you’re ducking with terror – right……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………now
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | December 19, 2012, 12:33Reblogged this on Bill McMorrow and commented:
I made it back on Le Clowns Blogroll, but I was led to believe there would be fried dough here.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 08:57I like Bill.. tell him congrats from me!!
Posted by free penny press | December 19, 2012, 09:29Thanks FPP. Right back at ya
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:37Holy Shit, ‘Karate’! Hahahaha
Posted by mabukach | December 19, 2012, 09:33It’s just an epic rock song. No big deal. Hahaha
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:39A crane kick of sound to the face
Posted by mabukach | December 19, 2012, 13:57Congratulations Bill; it is easy to see from this post why you are in. Again. Each time I read one of these acceptance speeches, I realize that I’m in deep waters. Good thing I swim. But oh the pressures of fitting in under that big tent! You clearly meet the mark, and I enjoyed checking out the first few this’. Nice job and welcome back to the fold. Now, we’re all watching. No pressure.
Posted by talesfromthemotherland | December 19, 2012, 09:38Thank you very much. You get to go in the big tent? Le Clown told me this just gives me access to muck out the elephant stalls!!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:50Elephants are very important. You are doing a vital service for the greater good. The rest of us just get to watch from the bleachers. wink wink.
Posted by talesfromthemotherland | December 19, 2012, 14:42Yeah, I can hear you guys giggling up there.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 16:58I think I just giggled soda and popcorn up my nose! I think an illustration of you, cleaning up after elephants would be way coolio.
Posted by talesfromthemotherland | December 19, 2012, 17:57Good job. Bill!
I know all about writer’s block; I was just rejected by yet another agent and my creative soul instantly reached for a metaphorical shotgun…
But I love writing too damn much – its cheap therapy and fits nicely into a bellman’s budget – so I had no choice but to return to the keyboard like the blogging junkie I am…
But good luck to you. With Le Clown’s backing the world is your oyster, Bill.
Go get ‘em.
Posted by The Hook | December 19, 2012, 09:41Writers block is a fickle bitch. I got laid off from my job a couple of months ago, so I have some free time now. Le Clown is Le Balls. But I’m not going to eat that oyster. Maybe I could have the fish and chips? Hahaha
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:52Bill, I fell in love with you when you tweeted your #leclownseesyou picture. Keep being bodacious, Bill. Congrats on the blogroll!
Posted by becca3416 | December 19, 2012, 09:45Thanks Becca. I wish I could stop the bodaciousness sometimes, but it is in my mission statement.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:56My mission statement just says: to never wear pants.
Posted by becca3416 | December 19, 2012, 11:59Good mission statement. Mine also says that I never fake the funk on a nasty dunk, but I don’t even play basketball, so I should probably update that.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:15Have I been removed from Le Blogroll??
Posted by bipolarmuse | December 19, 2012, 09:51C,
You’ve been away for such a longtime… Remember the Blogroll Contest? You played only a few days, and then abandoned… Everyone who’s on the blogroll are bloggers that played… There will be plenty of other opportunities in the near future…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 09:52Haha… I do remember that. Has that been long ago?? I feel like there’s a time bandit or something! I shall look for future opportunities to join in your reindeer games. ♥
Posted by bipolarmuse | December 19, 2012, 10:13Reindeers carry disease. You should wear gloves.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 11:57Yay, Bill! I am now your follower, since that’s what I do!
Posted by Emily @ The Waiting | December 19, 2012, 09:56Thanks Emily. I followed you back as I am nothing if not a gentleman.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:31Congratulations Bill! I’m in the same boat and started blogging again for the sole purpose of catching Le Clown’s eye once again. Because he’s truly the best. And he knows how to hack into my bank account. So he’s got the $58.73 remaining in my checking account hostage.
Posted by Adrienne schmadrienne | December 19, 2012, 10:13Adrienne,
You’re so in again. I’ll add you tonight. You’re royalty on A Clown on Fire.
My apologies. Now that your back, you need to rule my blogroll again.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 10:17Thanks Adrienne. $58.73 is like sixty dollars to his people. Do I mean Canadians or Clowns? Hmmmmmm.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:36Spectacular choice! Congratulations Bill!!!!
Posted by Ericka Clay | December 19, 2012, 10:43Thanks Ericka. You’re congratulating me for making out with the boys from Hanson, right?
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:38Obviously! It was everything thirteen-year-old Ericka thought it would be, wasn’t it? You don’t even have to answer. I already know it was. Sigh.
Posted by Ericka Clay | December 20, 2012, 11:16This Bill is somewhat funny. I think I shall follow him.
Posted by twindaddy | December 19, 2012, 12:06Watch out, he just might follow you back.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:38Great. Just what I need. ANOTHER stalker. Very well. Join the horde.
Posted by twindaddy | December 19, 2012, 12:40Nice, I love whores. Wait, I misread that. Oh well, I’m still in!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 17:14Good thing Mr. Bill is back on the wagon. I especially like Monsieur Bill for the nice things he said about my book. I’m not biased or anything. I’m also glad my state has been renamed ‘Clown on Fire.’ Rolls off the tongue much better than Ohio does.
Posted by Carrie Rubin | December 19, 2012, 12:15Carrie Rubin,
I absolutely loved your book. I can’t wait for The Seneca Scourge movie to come out. Have you cast anyone as Thomas Lamb yet? ‘Cause I can sneeze soooooo good!
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 12:42Haha. Well, if you want to play patient zero, the part’s all yours. But as you learned, it will be a short one…
Posted by Carrie Rubin | December 19, 2012, 12:51Congrats, Bill! Welcome back to the blogosphere. I will follow. Anyone in Le Clown’s book is in my book, plus I just want to!
Posted by The Bumble Files | December 19, 2012, 13:31Thank you very much, it’s good to be back. I shall return the follow in kind.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:20Thank you kindly, Bill.
Posted by The Bumble Files | December 19, 2012, 21:50Huzzah Bill! Off to read your
debauched and derangeddivine and inspired words. If you’re fine enough for Le Clown… you’re definitely fine enough to follow in my book. Note: The (most recent) stalking charges have all been dropped
Posted by Rachael Black | December 19, 2012, 14:05Thank God, because I wasn’t really stalking those people and it was ridiculous for me to be charged with that. A simple disturbing the peace would have sufficed.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:22Love the crucifiction illustration. Well done.
Posted by danielwalldammit | December 19, 2012, 15:26Daniel,
Thank you, kind fellow. Thank Christ on a Stick for stock images and a bit of Photoshop skills!
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 15:28It is pretty sacrilicious.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:23A hearty congrats to you!!! You now have a personal parking space, it seems…
Posted by Lyssapants | December 19, 2012, 15:32Thank you, but Le Clown says I have to ride this unicycle, and you can pretty much store a unicycle anywhere.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:24Wear a helmet.
Posted by Lyssapants | December 19, 2012, 23:44I would like to leave a clever comment here, but they’ve all been taken.
Oh, and by the way, Le Clown paid ME big buck for my permission to be on his blogroll. That isn’t a typo. He paid me one buck. The hairy beast is eating my out of house and home. Santa is looking for him. He wants to smack Le Clown’s red nose on him for a fake Rudolph Christmas Eve.
Posted by robincoyle | December 19, 2012, 15:43Robin,
Love you, even in your delusional state.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 15:45Delusion? Heck no. This is sanity, baby! You might want to try it! Love you right back.
Posted by robincoyle | December 19, 2012, 15:59Robin,
I’m glad A Clown on Fire is finally rubbing off on you… humour suits you well.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | December 19, 2012, 16:02Wait a minute, do you mean dollar or loonie?
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:26Congrats Bill: you lucky bastard!!!
Posted by nikkix2 | December 19, 2012, 15:51Thanks, I feel Le lucky.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:27Congrats Bill …. hope you realize how much of an honor this is.
Posted by aFrankAngle | December 19, 2012, 16:24Having been removed from the position once, I realize how much of an honoUr it is, indeed
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:29I applaud your success. Do you need a Personal Assistant?
Posted by Addie | December 19, 2012, 16:58Hahaha, who doesn’t?
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:30Me. *sigh*
Posted by Addie | December 19, 2012, 20:48If I get fired because I’m reading all the folks on your Blogroll, LC, I will stalk you. Not that I don’t now but I will stalk you more intensely. Intently. Intentionally. Whatever.
Posted by Elyse | December 19, 2012, 19:47I believe intensionally would be the word.
Posted by Bill McMorrow | December 19, 2012, 20:32Good. Spell check likes it. I will use it when I write my PhD thesis. In the next life, of course.
Posted by Elyse | December 19, 2012, 20:34Bill,
I’m so glad Le Clown brought you back!
Your blog is right up my…alley.
I see the future. We will be great friends!
Red
Posted by SocietyRed | December 21, 2012, 15:16