Bloggers for Movember is supporting all efforts currently ongoing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy, and is putting the Movember campaign on hold until Monday, as a sign of respect and solidarity. Instead, here’s a guest post by blogging royalty Amy West, ex-Just West of Crunchy, to boost Le Clown’s stats up. I welcome all new traffic, I’m kind like that. Thank you Amy for being part of A Clown on Fire. I’m still better.
You know that book? Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance? I haven’t read it, but I bet I could talk about Zen and the Art of Blogging intelligently enough to fool people.
I’m a serial blogger. And a serial blog deserter. New site! Shiny! YAY! Blogging! FUN!
<pause>
<longer pause>
…the posts trail off…and soon, there’s not much blogging at all. And then the site exists for a while longer in the internet ether, until inspiration! And then I whip up a brand NEW site!
Rinse and repeat.
So what gives? Why can’t I be in a relationship with a single blog for more than eight months to a year at a time? Beats me.
There’s The Crazy™. That’s part of it. Probably a big part of it. But when you run a site called “Just West of Crunchy,” that’s supposed to be about living like a Dirty Hippie™, people get upset when you bust out The Crazy™.
What the fuck is THAT about? I take three posts to shed some light on the dark and twisty stuff — the shit that’s keeping me from blogging, actually — and The Internet gets all “We don’t come here for that.”
That. They didn’t want to hear about that. And they told me so. More Dirty Hippie™ cloth-diaper-flax-seed-no-poo, please. Let’s not talk about our general wellbeing or mental health. If we must, please, no blunt honesty.
Why?
Maybe it resonates a little too much, or maybe it doesn’t resonate at all (equally problematic, if you really think about it). We don’t want to relate to the Crazy Mom who openly says she could have come or gone from her entire life, including her own child (and not in the dying way, but in the adios, I’m outta here way). Because what, then, would that make us?
It’s pretty uncomfortable and disconcerting to think we are like that. That there’s any of that even in us. That there’s any of me in you. Because I’m crazy.
At the time, I didn’t have it in me to explain how those comments were fucked up six ways to Sunday. But the comments were enough to keep me from posting more. “Fine. If people don’t want to hear about that, I won’t write about it.” But when you’re in the middle of that, there’s nothing else to talk about. So I didn’t talk at all.
By the same turn, though, for every ZOMG, STOP WRITING ABOUT REAL SHIT! comment that came in, there were more saying “This is brave. I needed this. This is helping me.“
This is where I tell you that the shadows can’t live in the light, or something trite like that. That we were exercising our little demons together. Except that if you’ve spent five minutes in the head of someone with The Crazy, you know that’s all a load of shit.
{Aside: When I say The Crazy, it’s a term of endearment. It’s me embracing the dark and twisty. Not meant to offend and certainly not said in judgment. Possibly said like PeeWee Herman, though! Takes one to know one!}
The facts as I see them:
1. We’ve all got a little of The Crazy. Some of us get more than others.
So we’re all doing this dance, trying to keep The Crazy at bay, preemptively defensive about being judged for those dark and twisty parts we don’t want people to see (or to see fully). And we’re preemptively defensive because we know we’ll be judged. We know this because we’re judging other people. Day in and day out, all the time. It’s human nature. It’s fine.
We write about this because it’s cheaper than therapy. Because the supportive comments do help. Because screens put a layer between us and everyone else, because we can moderate the assholes and trolls, and focus our attention on the support. We write about this because it’s a controlled way to exorcise the demons. There’s a zen to this blogging about The Crazy thing that we sometimes do.
It’s Movember. Those of us sharing headspace with The Crazy are going to band together. We’re going to don moustaches and take silly pictures and talk about The Crazy. And The Prostates. (Really, mostly those.) We’re going to give the air time and attention to our supporters and the naysayers can shove it.
And seriously: Fuck the haters, yo.They’re like the overly straight straight dudes who show off how straight they are around gay guys. NO GAY HERE, NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG!
The ones that don’t want to hear about The Crazy might need to hear it most.
Put your moustache on and get to it! Get on your soapbox, or on your blog, or my blog, or Le Clown’s blog, and TALK ABOUT IT. Comment on the Movember blogs. Tell the people who are hanging out in the shadow of The Crazy that you get it, that it’ll get better, that you’re there. Tell them whatever. But don’t say you didn’t come to hear about that. I’m not saying Le Clown would burn your house down, but I’m not saying he wouldn’t…
…after all, you never know what us Crazies are gonna do, now do you?
Happy Movember, y’all!
PS: Come see my ‘stache at AmyWest.co. I’ve got heaping piles of The Crazy and The Awesome over there. In equal proportions, on the good days. 
PPS: Who put a dick in this box?! {NB: Added for the sole purpose of putting this post in the Dick in a Box category.}
Amy,
You came. You cursed. You made good use of my ™, and you even dared an emoticon, a dreaded emoticon. Le Clown must really like you…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | November 1, 2012, 07:20Everyone must really like me. Duh.
™
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:24Ha!
Posted by Soul Walker | November 1, 2012, 13:33More evidence of Le Clown’s process of taking over WordPress. Meanwhile, cheers to Movember, but I celebrated Proctober.
Posted by aFrankAngle | November 1, 2012, 07:22Le Clown is taking over. Fact. Not a bad thing!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:35I like The Crazy. Makes me feel like I’m in good company
Posted by Storkhunter | November 1, 2012, 07:38You most certainly are!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:25It’s important for us all to let out The Crazy. Thanks for showing us some of yours Amy.
Posted by Elyse | November 1, 2012, 07:41Hey, I will bare my Crazy *anytime*! Thanks for reading.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:36“Fuck the haters, yo”…that’s all you had to say to start Movember on a good note. (Well, Dick in a box, the funniest thing ever on tv, didn’t hurt either). This is going to be fun!
Posted by SocietyRed | November 1, 2012, 08:20RIGHT?!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:26I guess the new blog sites every now and again are all part of starting afresh and trying to move on, and that’s a good thing. Never give up on knowing that you can always start afresh and move on if you need to.
Posted by Vanessa Chapman | November 1, 2012, 08:21LOL that’s completely my MO. I’d be lost without the notion of abandoning my current self like a snake sheds skin every once in a while. Thanks for reading!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:26Hi Amy. Glad Le Clown had you over. And you are right – everybody’s got a little of The Crazy in them, though a lot of it went to my family, I think. Nice to know ya’.
Posted by Fern DeVilliers | November 1, 2012, 08:57I do find that The Crazy runs stronger in some gene pools than others….
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:27Oh yes, absolutely! Fuck the haters, yo! There is no better way to say that
And you are so right, the comments do help.
Posted by MissFourEyes | November 1, 2012, 09:02Those of us with The Crazy are gangsta like that. Fuck the haters, indeed!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:27Straight from the lips of a fellow Crazy, Love love love this! Great blog. I’ve already joined Amy’s now too! I just wrote one about bipolar…..I didn’t get any bad comments though. Maybe folks were too AFRAID of making them! lol Like you said, you never know what us Crazies will do! Excellent writing and a great read! Thanks to you both! xoJulia
Posted by Julia Kovach | November 1, 2012, 09:12LOL I do think they’re afraid of us! Thanks for coming to the party at amywest.co, too. It’ll be a sanctuary for Crazies!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:28I can’t grow a real moustache, but maybe I could let my eyebrows become an eyebrow? Welcome to the Batshitshow that is Le Clown. There’s a lot of us whackos here.
Posted by saradraws | November 1, 2012, 09:21If you can’t grow a real moustache, you’re just not really trying!
I keed, I keed.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:28Rubbing miracle gro and hair tonic on upper lip now. What’s that burning smell?
Posted by saradraws | November 1, 2012, 12:48I run into that all the time, reversed… seems people mostly want to read my “sad crazy” stuff. My “tag line:” Straight up with a twist, should indicate I might blow both ways, but hits drip right off when I get too funny, silly, serious (without the melancholy sad thing)… feh. I’m sticking with my blog though, and they can bite me. Nice post! Love that you slipped in the emotion, err emoticon.
Posted by talesfromthemotherland | November 1, 2012, 09:39I did feel a certain obligation to the original readers who got all STFU about your crazy, lady! It’s 100% true that they weren’t coming to my site for that shit. Plus side, is there are lots of fluffy mom blogs they can visit to get their fix. Not mine.
PS: Emoticons RULE™
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:30Amy,
You give a voice to those of us who haven’t spoken out yet and worry what others will think. I think honesty does rub some people too raw and too close, but those people could also use the message (whether they like it or not). Thanks for blazing trail. You will go far, in serial form.
Posted by iRuniBreathe | November 1, 2012, 09:41You have The Awesome. Fear not, it pairs well with The Crazy. Come party at amywest.co, it’ll be a sanctuary for all of us.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:30Suitcase is ready. I’m heading over to your blog now.
Posted by iRuniBreathe | November 1, 2012, 12:37As a Certified Crazy (how do you TM something?), I’d like to throw in my 10 sense… Amy, you are spot on about the people who don’t want to see “THAT!”, because it holds up a mirror. And they’re in the position of, “If I don’t look, it’s not there.” Nobody (*many) wants to see the dirty little bits, because upon seeing it, it’s identified, and acknowledged. Like it or not. AKA: you spot it you got it. Too bad the haters don’t realize the gift for what it is, and that is, it’s an invitation to get to know who they themselves REALLY are.
Good to see you here. Now, for my daily dose of The Crazy.
[after thought... why don't the haters ever just change the F'n channel, instead of bitching about it?]
Posted by vixviews | November 1, 2012, 09:42“you spot it, you got it” – I love that!!
Wasn’t it Carl Jung that said we’ll do crazy, stupid things to avoid seeing ourselves?
Change the channel, IN-FUCKING-DEED.
PS: alt+2 on a mac to ™!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:32Amy, here’s another one: “you name it, you claim it.”
Carl Jung, my first love. That should have been the first sign of what was to come.
Thanks for the PS, I WISH I had a mac, but check it, alt + 0153 = ™ tadah!
Posted by vixviews | November 1, 2012, 18:09Get a mac! Next time you buy a computer. You’ll love it.™
V
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:27I now have to go to YouTube and watch the “Dick in a Box” SNL skit. It’s turning out to be a wonderful morning. Thanks for letting out The Crazy. I’m a fan. Haters gonna hate y’all.
Posted by becca3416 | November 1, 2012, 10:00Dick in a Box™ makes *everything* better! Fact.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:32Wait, you mean there are blogs that AREN’T about The Crazy? They must all be doing it wrong. Amy, this was great. ;D
Posted by The Waiting | November 1, 2012, 10:08Thanks, yo!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:32Riding the crazy train with you. I used to be a mom blogger. Now I’m just me, spewing out the insanity on a blog that fits. Good for you for creating something that makes sense for you and in the process, will help a lot of people.
Posted by Creative Liar | November 1, 2012, 10:16Doesn’t it feel good to NOT be a mom blogger? Talk about some fucking CRAZY!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:33Nice when the mommies are all supportive of you until you show you aren’t perfect, right? It’s just like you said – they’re afraid some of their “not-so-perfect” will show through. Like cloth-diapering, breastfeeding, free ranging whatevs will protect you and your child from all the bad. Sorry, still there. I used to read those stupid parenting books, hoping for an answer. There isn’t one. It makes me mad that those moms didn’t support you, but like you said, yo, fuck the haters! I finally had to say the same thing in real life to those who thought I was a child abuser for not being crunchy. Why can’t people, especially women, support each other instead of ripping each other apart like mountain lions?
Posted by aliceatwonderland | November 1, 2012, 10:58They don’t understand that we can disagree and not be fucking awful to each other in the process. We’re all choosing what we think is best or superior (or we wouldn’t choose it; D-U-H). You can’t help it when people read judgment into that, but you also don’t have to get on a fucking soap box and tear down the ones who don’t do it your way. Moms be cray-cray.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:34totally sympathise with the hiding the crazy, I forget what ive posted and it comes back to haunt me!! Great guest post.
Posted by tinkerbelle86 | November 1, 2012, 11:49Hahaha I do that all the time! (“How does ____ know ____?! Did I blog about that? What?!”)
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 12:35Le Clown – thanks so much for reminding me to read as well as write.
Amy,
APPLAUSE! APPLAUSE! APPLAUSE!
Followed by internal snarky jealousy for telling my story better than me.
You have just joined the ranks of those I consider soul sisters. It’s a dubious honor.
Be well,
Kina
Posted by Human In Recovery | November 1, 2012, 12:43Human in Recovery is a fanfuckingtastic handle!
Soul sisters! I always wanted a sister. Done!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:28Thank you. Thank you verra much! Done and done! Now I must surf to your site and click follow so I can sister stalk you.
Posted by Human In Recovery | November 1, 2012, 22:09I <3 stalkers. Just not fucking crazy ones!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 2, 2012, 14:57You can’t please everybody all of the time. Some people love brutal honesty; others shy away from it. You have to blog about what inspires you, or it won’t be any fun at all. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to write on topics others will find interesting–if we don’t, what’s the point of blogging at all? But it means we should approach that topic how we see fit. Nice post!
Posted by Carrie Rubin | November 1, 2012, 13:21Thanks!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:29I find that people who get all “I didn’t come here for this shit” are the same people who say “we’re not talking about me” when in an argument. Sometimes we strike a nerve in a person they didn’t know existed, and they get their panties in a wad over it. I’m very comfortable with my brand of Crazy so when I see it in another I applaud them for speaking about it.
Haters gonna hate. Just bring a jacket the next time people throw you all that shade.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | November 1, 2012, 13:45I bet your brand of Crazy is pretty compatible with mine! And like you said, haters gonna hate.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:30ZOMG, I am glad you’re back talking about real shit. Because shit is real! And people can make liberal use of the little x button at the top corner of their screen if they can’t handle it. Seriously.. it was invented for the specific purpose of not having to lay your eyes on a screen that you don’t want to look at. Nothing bothers me so much as people who complain about whatever they read on the internet. Disappointed? Enraged? Saddened? Offended? CLICK. Problem solved.
But I digress. I am glad you’re back on the path to enlightenment or wherever it takes you. And I’ll be one reading you whether you’re on the light or dark side of it.
Posted by rollergiraffe | November 1, 2012, 15:28Dude, that’s exactly what I told the rude ones at the time. Not the gentle, “sorry you’re cray-cray, can I have a flax seed recipe now?” but the “you’re a fucking douche, write about eco-friendly parenting!” types. THOSE people were reminded that they are lucky enough to have a neck, which allows their head to turn, which allows them to not look at what I’m saying if they don’t like it. Assholes.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:32I’m new!!! What’s Movember??? As for The Crazy, I live there!! Embrace it, I say, cos it’s somewhere in all of us and if it gets out from a cage, things go baaaad!!! Let it out in moderation, and life turns rather fun
Posted by Benedicte | November 1, 2012, 17:37Movember! http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/2012/10/08/movember/
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:33thank you!!
Posted by Benedicte | November 4, 2012, 15:38Amy, you are brave and honest and I love you for that. I am working on my own “Crazy” confession post at this moment. I think if we are all honest with ourselves, there’s not one of us who hasn’t had dark thoughts or “crazy” thoughts at one time or another. i would never tell someone that I don’t want to hear about that…because maybe, JUST MAYBE, they really need to talk about it. Stay strong sister. xo
Posted by writerwendyreid | November 1, 2012, 18:00Write it! Then make Le Clown publish it. Heh.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 20:34It’s supposed to go on black box warnings…but who knows, maybe he’ll put it here and tell hundreds of people just how fucking messed up I really am.
Posted by writerwendyreid | November 1, 2012, 20:48Hey, you could do worse.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 21:59Wendy, Amy,
WTF, it’s festival of the emoticons, suddenly?
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | November 1, 2012, 22:05Le Clown,
Haters gonna hate!
<3
Amy
Posted by amywestdotco | November 1, 2012, 23:51It’s not sudden, just usually hidden.
Posted by writerwendyreid | November 2, 2012, 20:41From one Crazy to another…..so happy to be a part of the Crazy Train……To hell with the haters. They are just “Closeted Crazies” and are afraid to let it all hang out.
Posted by A Dog With Fleas | November 1, 2012, 23:53Closet Crazies™ <-™ that shit, because it's THAT GOOD.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 2, 2012, 00:32Glad you like that !!
And like you said, there is a little bit of Crazy in all of us!
Posted by A Dog With Fleas | November 2, 2012, 00:51Haters are the biggest crazies, the gold medal crazy…they are the ugly scary crazies! What ever they say is CRAZY!
Posted by asklotta | November 2, 2012, 06:30LOL! Fact.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 2, 2012, 14:55I think it takes some mighty courage balls to blog about The Crazy.
I support your balls.
(that’s what Movember is all about…right?)
Posted by Lyssapants | November 2, 2012, 14:27Oh dear. Now I have a mental image of your hands cupping my theoretical balls. Obviously the entire point of Movember, summed up in one awful little mental picture!
Posted by amywestdotco | November 2, 2012, 14:56Agreed, everyone has a bit of The Crazy™ in them! I think that actually, those of us who recognise that we’re all a bit bonkers (be it simply slightly eccentric or actually clinically diagnosable) have better, more fulfilled lives as a result. Look at all the great comedians who are bi-polar, for example.
Posted by faithhopechocolate | November 3, 2012, 09:16The funny ones are always the most disturbed.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 3, 2012, 16:08there’s good cray cray and bad cray cray. you are good cray cray and the haters don’t even know it, but they’re dumb bad cray cray. Fuck ‘em.
Posted by misslisted | November 4, 2012, 10:01Fact. And I like your style, lady.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 4, 2012, 13:36Love it. I rarely follow a blog, but this suits me to a t.
Posted by Southern Fried Witch | November 7, 2012, 08:38Why thanks.
Pack your bags and come visit, Le Clown and I share custody of his audience.
Posted by amywestdotco | November 11, 2012, 23:43