Duel #1: Speaker7 VS Ginger Snaap.
Ginger Snaap’s post: Tears of a Clown, Part One: Duel of Furry Fetishes
UPDATE: Winner of round one: Speaker7.
******************
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was trying to get away from a furry.
I come to this blog duel with a bit of a disadvantage.
First, I had no idea what a furry fetish was until two days ago. Last, I still have no idea what a furry is. And B, I’ve been struck with a cold that makes my entire head feel like a gob of mucous.
Incidentally mucous is my fetish. That–and obsessing about Jessica Simpson’s baby weight. I might have had a weird obsession with Elmo, but that is over and we really don’t need to dread up any unpleasantness.
I had thought furryism had something to do with a horse’s hoof care or the shipment of goods over a short stretch of water. But then I was greeted with this whilst searching Google images:
Source: PETA’s blog
Okay. What am I looking at exactly? The cast party for Winnie-the-Pooh on Ice? Eeyore looks really fucked up. Wait a second, Eeyore is a kind of horse so maybe the hoof care is not far off.
I realized I was going to need to consult an expert. Not being able to find one, I retrieved Hugo from storage.
Thanks, Hugo! So how did furryism all began?
That doesn’t sound quite right, but please continue. That mustache makes you look like John Bolton.
I don’t know. . . I think that arm looks pretty good.
Is it because when you’re inside one of those things, it’s hard to hear, see and breathe?
That sounds almost as good as the musical Cats, which sucks a big eeyore dick.
Wait. Wouldn’t the snake bite the cat or the bear eat the…is that a cow? Is that really being true to the animal kingdom, having different species intermingling?
All right. That was the exact opposite of useful or it could be I’m too hopped up on Robitussin® to fully understand anything.
Really, in order to write about furries, I had to become one. So I put this on:
And rolled around on the floor for awhile like so:
Not the real Speaker7
And then held an impromptu party with other like-minded individuals.
And it was sort of okay until the appliance repairman came by earlier than expected and I answered the door wearing a fur glove and caressing a sheep. See, the repair guy was a crush fetishist. Talk about awkward.
Speaker7 would like to thank Carrie Rubin for coming up with such a popular blog topic and for exposing her to pictures and words that will never leave her brain. No amount of alcohol, bleach, or Go-Go Juice will erase them. If you liked this blog post, click “Like.” That’s how Team Le Clown wins. If you didn’t like this blog post, click “Like” because you do not want to see an angry clown. Tune in tomorrow for the amazingness that is Madame Weebles.
Can I use you instead of an alarm clock, Speaker7? These images woke me right up!
Posted by Elyse | September 19, 2012, 07:20Any time Elyse. I really need to surround myself with something normal for a few weeks. I’m beginning to get really weird.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:06Good idea. Mitt needs a new campaign manager. Will that work for you?
Posted by Elyse | September 19, 2012, 17:21Reblogged this on Meizac and commented:
(That emoticon is dedicated to Le Clown.)
A blogging duel? Yes. With some of my favourite bloggers on Team Iron Gonads of Thunder Fire.
Posted by meizac | September 19, 2012, 07:24Thanks for the reblog and the use of emoticons. I say one can never have enough emoticons especially when commenting on this blog. :0
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:08Hahahahaha! Craisins! Speaker 7 is da bomb!
Posted by thelesbiannextdoor | September 19, 2012, 08:18Craisins are soooo versatile. People love them. Animals love them. People dressed as animals love them.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:08Can I get continuing education credits for this?
Posted by A Gripping Life | September 19, 2012, 08:31From what I understand, you are now a farrier after completing this blog post. Oh, i’m sorry…I meant you are now a despairer. I think that’s worth 2 credits.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:10haha! That’s great! Thanks!
Posted by A Gripping Life | September 19, 2012, 16:16Speaker7,
I am SO happy you’re on my team…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 19, 2012, 08:33Le Clown,
Thank you so much for the opportunity to load up my Internet history with pictures of people dressed as skunks banging into one another. I would not want to be on any other team. . . even if the other team dressed up as horses.
S7
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:12HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA – I’ve learned so much today.
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 08:36I’m, like, our generation’s Socrates.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:12Yup
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 16:16Our generation will first have to learn who Socrates is before that designation will win you free drinks at the local bar.
Posted by The Good Greatsby | September 19, 2012, 22:11haha you’ve never heard of it? oh you’ve led a sheltered life and obviously not watched enough CSI to hear about the seedy side of sexual deviancy! I hope you came across skritching in your searches it’s an intriguing idea
Posted by scienerf | September 19, 2012, 08:38I did. I did. And I will never now not know what that is. That will be in my brain until my brain deflates, which will be in about 25 minutes.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:13ah I knew this topic would make me giggle so glad I voted for it though it’s a shame your head will deflate…maybe you can pump it back up with silicone. But I do now have an image of a person wandering around with a very wobbly head that undulates as they walk. Oh my head need a clean out just like your internet history.
Posted by scienerf | September 19, 2012, 16:32Love the feel of this post. I can almost rub myself on it.
Posted by Clandestine Cuba | September 19, 2012, 08:46Betty,
Your comment made me laugh.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 19, 2012, 08:47That’s exactly what this post was intended for.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:13Reblogged this on scienerf and commented:
go on like this post so the gonads of fire team win their blogging duel!
Posted by scienerf | September 19, 2012, 09:01Thanks for the reblog and putting pictures of a decrepit Eeyore on your blog.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:14My brain hurts.
Just another thing Carrie will have to answer for in the next life.
Posted by El Guapo | September 19, 2012, 09:04Oh,and while this is an excellent post, there’s no way I can click like on it.
Consider “like” to have been thought.
Posted by El Guapo | September 19, 2012, 09:06El Guapo,
I share your sentiment. I truly enjoyed Ginger’s post, commented, but couldn’t like it. But she does get my seal of approval.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 19, 2012, 09:13On the other hand, I’m now following Speaker 7, so the day isn’t a total loss….
Posted by El Guapo | September 19, 2012, 09:17El Guapo,
She’s magnificent. Have you read her post on Canadica?
http://canadica.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/speaker7-talks-aboot-appearance/
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 19, 2012, 09:18Of COURSE I do, because I kick ass and I also kick asses.
Go on, like it, you know you want to…
Posted by GingerSnaap | September 19, 2012, 09:54The list is growing…
Posted by Carrie Rubin | September 19, 2012, 10:06http://edwardhotspur.wordpress.com/2012/09/19/tears-of-a-clown-part-one-duel-of-furry-fetishes/
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 09:06I feel like that dinosaur could see into my soul. What to do? What to do?
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:16Obey the dinosaur. Obey the dinosaur. Obey the dinosaur.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 16:23I find this video strangely fascinating. Where did you find an English dinosaur?
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 19, 2012, 17:01Hadrian’s Wall. As he said, he’s the Gecko’s cousin.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 17:19I came, I saw, I clicked “like” and now need a shower. I feel sooo dirty. ( I really did like it, though)
Posted by Robin | September 19, 2012, 09:12I need a brain transplant after writing it.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:17WAIT!!!!!!
Before you click like, it’s IMPERATIVE you watch this!!! FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!!
Then go here.
http://wp.me/p1CLmE-1oN
Posted by El Guapo | September 19, 2012, 09:12Ah, a message that cannot be restated enough.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 09:18I’m deeply disturbed that I’m beginning to find that dinosaur attractive. Goddamn furries!! They’re in my head.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:19Or are they all around you?
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 16:24Well lady, you didn’t disappoint. Not that I ever thought you could. This post is merely more proof that you are the bestest. But I can’t believe you subjected poor Hugo to more depravity.
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 19, 2012, 09:19Hugo is the very definition of depraved. He was the one who came up the idea. I cannot WAIT for tomorrow Madame! You never disappoint.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:20I’m sitting here thanking my lucky stars that my daughter watches Barney and not Elmo. And yet… Eeewww. Just Eeewww. I actually would prefer a whole post dedicated to mucous.
Posted by Love & Lunchmeat | September 19, 2012, 09:22It’s coming. I feel I am an expert on the mucous just by the sheer amount of it in my head.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:21This is a good fuzzyhumping post. It’s a little Crais-eee, just the way we, well, don’t dislike it.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 19, 2012, 09:22It’s craisin how fuzzy this is, amiright?
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:22Ohh man, furry fetish left a permanent mark to everybody where I work. I showed a video of a guy dressed a the bad wolf and an animated horse.
Posted by Doggy's Style | September 19, 2012, 09:37Well done.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:22John Bolton is looking a little HALFhearted these days.
Posted by becca3416 | September 19, 2012, 09:48Ha-ha! Nice. Maybe that’s why John Bolton is so angry?
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:23I’m forbidden to push the like button, but I feel I must confess that this is a thought very much akin to ‘like’….pick an adjective if you ‘like’…hahaha…ahem. Yeah.
Posted by kayjai | September 19, 2012, 09:52I will pick “torpid” because that is how I feel inside my chicken suit.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:24I first read the title as a Duel of Furby Fetishes. Needless to say, I was most confused throughout the entire blog entry.
Wait. I’m still confused.
Posted by michellestodden | September 19, 2012, 09:56That’s even more disturbing. I can see those furry things opening and closing their mouths while they huddle together. Eeeeeek!
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 19, 2012, 11:31I still don’t know what a furry is so don’t feel bad.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:25Ha I love the pictures! I feel educated and slightly awkward lol.
Posted by Sara no "H" | September 19, 2012, 09:58I feel more than slightly awkward, but I saw many things a human person should never see.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:26Bringing Hugo into the Furry equation was brilliant. And to think you even debased yourself to try out the lifestyle–talk about a true artist. But I’m wondering, if you have an Elmo obsession, doesn’t that perhaps make you a Furry? Maybe it’s time to come out…
Posted by Carrie Rubin | September 19, 2012, 10:10I don’t know what Elmo might have told you, but it was all a simple misunderstanding. He tends to let his imagination run wild.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:27You never can trust a red Furry.
Posted by Carrie Rubin | September 19, 2012, 16:48Awesome, please pass me a eye wipe I cant see through my laughter tears
Posted by Bruce Ruston | September 19, 2012, 10:24I have a fur-covered glove you can borrow.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:28I didn’t know I was aroused by Craisins until now. I feel so free.
Posted by saradraws | September 19, 2012, 10:44Maybe we can start a whole new movement of people who dress up as Craisins and jump inside giant bowls of granola?
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:28I love it when you talk dirty.
Posted by saradraws | September 19, 2012, 19:03Reblogged this on the rollergiraffe and commented:
Speaker7 is blog duelling. It’s sort of like a dance off from Grease or some modern show that I am not aware of. She deserves your vote y’all; she sacrificed her mental acuity recrapping 50 Shades of Grey. With puppets. She took a hit watching an entire series of The Bachelor/ette Big Brother Dwelling or some such reality show that I am sure exists. And now she was forced to write about Furries, which probably made her see things she can’t unsee. And who knows, maybe you’ll pick up a new hobby!
Go LIKE her post right now!
Posted by rollergiraffe | September 19, 2012, 10:47Aw thanks. Thanks for recognizing my incredible sacrifices and for the reblog. I feel like I won an Oscar, a Peabody and an Big Bird Feather all in one.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:30That poor Hugo has seen some things. He might benefit from counseling.
Posted by rollergiraffe | September 19, 2012, 11:00Hugo digs this stuff. Believe me. He’s as cray-cray as a bag of craisins.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:31You had me at “fucked up Eeyore.” Alf and Robitussin just solidified it. I was going to say the mucous solidified it, but that would just be sick and, quite frankly, a little disturbing.
I will never look at a college-mascot-suit-wearing-person the same way. I always thought they were a little “too happy” anyway, and I wondered if they didn’t have something going on inside their happy suits. Now I know what’s up. Thank you. Seriously, thank you. You probably saved my life.
Posted by runningonsober | September 19, 2012, 11:09When the inside material rubs them – things start to go horribly awry.
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 11:48That explains all the dancing, jumping and push-ups. Ah geez.
I also thought about Las Vegas. Not sure if anyone’s been lately, but you can’t walk one block down the strip without coming up on a, uh, “furrie” waiting for a photo-op with you and a dollar in their tip jar. Creepy re-defined. Not that I’m discriminating, furries need love too, just please not against my unsuspecting body.
Don’t even get me started on Disney World. Chip n Dale’s indeed.
Posted by runningonsober | September 19, 2012, 11:57Along with clowns – dressed up people give me the horrors – I was going to say the ‘willies’ – but well, penis stuff and all..
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 11:58Thank you for solidifying my desire to never go to Las Vegas again.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:32There’s good material to be had there, however.
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 16:33Why am I not surprised that Hugo is a furries expert? He still hasn’t given me back my hair and . . . owww, why am I have this sudden pain?
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 19, 2012, 11:33Alice, Alice, Alice…you know better than to question anything about Hugo’s actions, thoughts or deeds.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:33Thank god you captioned that one picture “Not speaker7″ because I was seriously confused for a second.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 19, 2012, 11:54Just between you and me, that is actually me.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:33You’re shorter than I imagined.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 19, 2012, 19:16I need to know what happened after the repair guy came in!
Posted by MissFourEyes | September 19, 2012, 12:11I can’t say much about it only that my stove is still not fixed.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:34I’ve missed Hugo. He always knows what to say.
Posted by Maggie O'C | September 19, 2012, 12:25Oh Maggie…I’ve lost you to the Hugo cult.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:35Check out the arse on the woman in the bottom right hand corner of the photograph after Elmo. Sweet Jesus, that is a beautiful piece of evolution. And yes I realise the irony in using Jesus and evolution in the same sentence but that’s just how I roll.
Posted by J.D. Gallagher | September 19, 2012, 12:48I’d like to think Jesus crafted that arse out of wine.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:35It does look like she was poured in to those jeans.
Posted by J.D. Gallagher | September 19, 2012, 16:43You make me laugh, J.D.
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 19, 2012, 16:56Today a furry stopped by
Was it a femme or a guy?
The bulge that I saw, made me flee from the door
I’m sweating from fear as I cry.
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 13:36You need to start immediately creating a book of furry limericks.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:36I loves me the limericks…more so than Haiku.
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 16:37Reblogged this on Fear No Weebles and commented:
The battle has begun. The incomparable Speaker7 fires the first salvo. Go read her post now and click LIKE, immediately!
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 19, 2012, 14:07Thanks Madame. I have your back tomorrow.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:37I know you do. Thanks, girl.
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 19, 2012, 16:58Somehow I believe he thinks his left arm is poorly drawn.
I actually know someone named Elmo. My first thought was red fur as well.
Nice post!
Posted by No Blog Intended | September 19, 2012, 14:26I think both arms look outstanding.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:38Hugo scares me and the depravity he’s witnessed is sure to put him into years of therapy. S7 secretly writes for SNL I think.
Posted by Brigitte | September 19, 2012, 14:36Agreed.
Posted by The Waiting | September 19, 2012, 16:19I wish. Then maybe I could afford a new dishwasher.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:39Reblogged this on Sips of Jen and Tonic and commented:
My girl Speaker7 is currently crushing the competition with her post on furries. You don’t have to know a single thing about the competition or furries to appreciate this.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 19, 2012, 15:12I’m going to use a comment I think you’ve left for me before: I so want to kiss you on the mouth right now.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:40It was probably mine although I’m a bit surprised I didn’t use the wording “with tongue” somewhere in there.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 19, 2012, 19:13Beer and Craisins … is this how Canadians party?
Posted by Christopher De Voss | September 19, 2012, 15:31Nope. That’s how we party hardy in the good ole USA.
Posted by speaker7 | September 19, 2012, 16:40I’ve been doing it wrong!
Posted by Christopher De Voss | September 19, 2012, 16:57LOVED this sickness of this. Come on–did no one ever tell you NEVER to mix Robitussin and Craisins?
Posted by Susan L Daniels | September 19, 2012, 16:55I feel like I have just learned so much about furry things. Like I just passed Furry Knowledge 112: Advanced Furry. Also I discovered I’m at my desk eating craisins and reading blogs and not partying with the stuffed animals around me… what a waste!
Posted by Viciously Sweet | September 19, 2012, 19:03Fan-fucking-tastic Speaker7. Kudos.
Posted by writerwendyreid | September 19, 2012, 19:05Congrats Speaker7 – well done!
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 19, 2012, 22:47Furries confuse me. And I read fanfiction, so that’s saying something.
Posted by purplemary54 | September 20, 2012, 02:24I have trouble understanding how being in one of those heavy mascot suits is enjoyable.
Posted by speaker7 | September 20, 2012, 07:29I know I’m late and it doesn’t count but I’m liking this anyway just because. I’m amused and totally confused at the same time. One thing I know is that I’m not sure I can look at stuffed animals the same ever again….or watch ALF for that matter….
Posted by dockfam | September 20, 2012, 13:07If it stops you from watching ALF, then this blog duel has sered a good purpose.
Posted by El Guapo | September 20, 2012, 16:42You can still watch it on Hulu….
Posted by dockfam | September 20, 2012, 17:43I am way late to the party but I’m thrilled I got here in time to learn about all that is fur fetishes and why I’ve never liked Willie Tanner for a second, that slimy bastard. Congrats on winning round one!
Posted by Angie Z. | September 25, 2012, 21:20