**************Polls Are Closed**************
Blogger and copycat Edward Hotspur (hotspur: a Dachshund born with no hindlimbs), averages 6 likes per posts, and a handful of comments. We, at A Clown of Fire, thought it would still be fun to take our poopsie whoopsie poochie goo goo Dachshund seriously, and challenge him – and his 2 followers – to a blogging duel (all Dachshunds – and Republicans – are born equally… to us at least).
For our readerships’ pleasure (Le Clown: 525 followers + Dachshund: 2 lost souls), the duel will consist in Le Clown’s team winning. Before the aforementioned win, each team will compete by writing a post around a topic chosen by our readers. There will be 3 topics, and 2 bloggers facing-off on each topic. The winning posts will be determined by the amount of likes they will get. Bloggers from each team can only write one time during the duel. The competition will begin September 19, which should leave plenty of time for the competing teams to strategize, and for Team Dachshund to work on a preemptive concession speech.
Readers: Please suggest your topics in the comment section below – no political themes. You can vote for your favourite topics by using the thumbs up / thumbs down rating system enabled under each comment. The 3 comments with the most thumbs up will be selected as the winning topics. You have until Sunday, end of day, to suggest your topics and vote. Without any further ado, allow us to introduce the competing teams:
| Team Dachshund | Team Iron Gonads of Thunder Fire |
 Edward Dachshund |
 Le Clown |
 Ginger Snaap |
 Madame Weebles |
 El Guapo |
 Speaker7 |
ADDENDUM: This duel wanted to be a friendly banter between two blogging clans, but Dachshund thinks insulting my readership is more fun than a game of wit:
“I’m sure your readers are too clueless to be offended by your rudeness.”
i voted.. I have no topic but I just wanted to say that I LOVE the super hero avatars… smashingly good
Posted by unfetteredbs | September 15, 2012, 19:10Topic| thhe practice of taking one’s children to bars (not restaurants, bars).
Posted by LP | September 15, 2012, 19:21I was going to suggest “Why dachshunds have lousy foreign policy,” but you’ve taken politics of the table. I find my hands are tied here.
Topic: What is the best non-nougat candy bar. Non-nougat, please. That part’s important. You take my politics, I take your nougat.
Posted by becomingcliche | September 15, 2012, 19:44Becoming Cliché,
It’s been awhile. Hope all is good on your neck of the woods.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 16, 2012, 18:11Topic: Shaken or stirred?
Posted by becomingcliche | September 15, 2012, 19:46After reading all the comments flying around, I believe the direct answer is “bent”.
Posted by El Guapo | September 15, 2012, 19:51You may be right.
Posted by becomingcliche | September 15, 2012, 19:52My topic suggestions:
What WOULD you do for a Klondike bar?
Which is better: folding or scrunching toilet paper?
Write a song parody (a la Weird Al) that describes your life.
Would you rather have two extra toes, or two extra fingers. Why?
If you could choose a superhero power, which would you choose and why?
That’s all I got.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:05I am a dope and put ALL of my questions in one box. Let’s try this again…
#1 What WOULD you do for a Klondike bar?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:15#2 Which is better: folding or scrunching toilet paper?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:16Write a song parody (a la Weird Al) that describes your life.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:16EXCELLENT IDEA!
Posted by GingerSnaap | September 16, 2012, 17:50#4 Would you rather have two extra toes, or two extra fingers. Why?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:17#5 If you could choose a superhero power, which would you choose and why?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 20:17Jen,
Anyone who has you in its team’s a lucky fuck. Le Clown is a lucky fuck.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 15, 2012, 21:05Le hugs and le kisses!
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 15, 2012, 21:24That actually applies to anyone who gets to read her stuff.
Posted by El Guapo | September 15, 2012, 21:30Guapo,
She deserves all the love and praise that goes her way.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 15, 2012, 21:32Is it wrong that I want to be the meat in an El Guapo and Le Clown sandwich?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 19:24That is disturbing. Get a room. My sensibilities are highly offended. Now scuse me while I get back to my porn.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:27And by “porn” you mean pictures of the three of us, right?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 20:3050 Shades of Grey is looking better. At least there are no clowns in it. Yet.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:36So wrong.
But so delicious.
Posted by El Guapo | September 16, 2012, 21:43I’m not often speechless…
Posted by Le Clown | September 16, 2012, 21:45Muppet Venereal Disease – how to spot it and how to cure it
Posted by Lyssapants | September 15, 2012, 20:10This hits too close to home.
Posted by Curmudgeon-at-Large | September 16, 2012, 12:43Yours most guilty pleasure pipe dream
Posted by Lyssapants | September 15, 2012, 20:27The members of your team are lost at sea in a lifeboat. Your provisions are gone, there is no land in sight.
1. Which of your team members will be eaten first and why?
2. As a way to maintain a semblance of order and discipline, who is elected leader and why?
Posted by calahan | September 15, 2012, 22:00Le Calahan,
See? There’s a reason why you’re on my blogroll…
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 15, 2012, 22:01*blushes*
Posted by calahan | September 15, 2012, 22:02Eat the clown, eat the clown!
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:28The nose will squeak, though. That’s embarrassing.
Posted by calahan | September 16, 2012, 23:09My first thought when I read this was call it “Lord of the Limbs” – b/c cause you can just hack off people’s limbs for food and everyone would last much longer. And that way you won’t have to devise a drying method for the rest of the body if you kill one entire person at a time. But anyone the lead would obviously be the lord….
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 16, 2012, 19:24Do you start with legs or arms?
Posted by calahan | September 16, 2012, 23:12Well, depends on who’s leader, eh?
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | September 17, 2012, 01:04WOW!! This is a great idea.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 19:26The members of your team are stranded on an uninhabited island and are the last people on Earth. Using only the resources on the island, how do you rebuild society and what sort of society will you rebuild?
Posted by calahan | September 15, 2012, 22:04I voted for your other topic because the idea of elective cannabalism is much more enticing.
Posted by Curmudgeon-at-Large | September 16, 2012, 12:47It’s classic Disney fun.
Posted by calahan | September 16, 2012, 14:21Topic: George Clooney’s Batman vs. Val Kilmer’s Batman
Posted by Brother Jon | September 15, 2012, 23:32Topic: Team Edward or Team Jacob
Posted by Brother Jon | September 15, 2012, 23:37Team Edward, obviously.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 16, 2012, 15:47Topic: Diarrhea vs. constipation. Literally and/ or metaphorically
also,
Topic: Literal vs. Metaphorical
also,
Topic: Human shit vs. animal shit.
Sorry my ideas are so *shitty*, Le Clown. Hahhhhhh.
Posted by Hannah | September 15, 2012, 23:48You can’t get enough of competitions, can you?
Posted by No Blog Intended | September 16, 2012, 05:37NBI,
Just doing my part to encourage blogosphere love.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 16, 2012, 07:35A little late to the party, with some unoriginal ideas:
Topic: Movie titles–reworked and ridiculously over-simplified
Ex: The Shawshank Redemption becomes Turd Crawlin’, Catch Me If You Can becomes, Relax, The FBI Might Like You, How to Forge Checks With Stickers, or Beware of Fake Pan Am Pilots.
Posted by RFL | September 16, 2012, 08:54I like this! Shorten Twilight. Wait.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:37It’s a common expression in the South to describe yourself or others when intoxicated as “drunker than Cooter Brown.”
Topic: character profile for Cooter Brown. Who is he? What does he look like? How drunk was he? What are his deepest fears? What is most important to him? What is his favorite country song?
Posted by RFL | September 16, 2012, 09:14I have never heard this expression, but I love it! Explanations and background info on Cooter Brown would be awesome! Did his parents fill his bottles and sippy cups with whiskey? Was he always a drinker? Did he excel at keg-drinking during college? Can he balance a glass of whiskey while running a mile naked? These are important questions, and we need answers, dammit!!
Posted by Love & Lunchmeat | September 16, 2012, 13:54Also, is Cooter his real name or a nickname, and if it’s a nickname, how the hell did he get it?
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:38The world would be a better place if……Hows that for a Miss America type question!
Posted by Wanda B. Victorian | September 16, 2012, 09:35Wanda,
A fellow Canadian, how sweet is that!
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 16, 2012, 09:36Why does Starbucks coffee taste like piss? However, in order to make it a real challenge, posts must be written in sonnet form.
(You’re quite welcome.)
Posted by Love & Lunchmeat | September 16, 2012, 12:07Holy crap – sonnett form? Taking this “challenge us” thing a little far…
Love it!
Posted by El Guapo | September 16, 2012, 12:51I <> this idea, Lovely.
Posted by Madame Weebles | September 16, 2012, 16:44Boy bands: then and now (in which you compare the relative merits of various boy bands from history)
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 12:48Are there any merits? Wow, I like this challenge.
Posted by Edward Hotspur | September 16, 2012, 15:50Hence the word “relative.”
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 16:11Another late entry–
Holiday jingles–the most obnoxious ones and creating your own with infinite superiority
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 12:57All Holiday jingles are awful.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:40So there’ll be plenty to choose from!
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 23:25Santa Claus is coming to town. He sees you when your’e sleeping, he knows when you’re awake -he’s a stalker for goodness sake!
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 23:39Inspired by one of Jen’s topics–
Toilet paper–How should it be put on a roll? The way with a sheet hanging down or the way with a sheet hanging up.
And the explanation must be better than this one: http://currentconfig.com/2005/02/22/essential-life-lesson-1-over-is-right-under-is-wrong/
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 13:02Always over. Under toilet paper people are the kind who would eat their young.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 19:27How about if you’re too lazy to even put it on the roll but just stick it up on top of the toilet?
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:41That’s just throwing caution to the wind
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 20:49Just as long as you don’t throw the paper. You know what I hate? Pictures of babies covered in toilet paper. It’s not cute.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:51Okay, I think this is the final one: Is the pen *really* mightier than the sword?
Posted by Angel Fractured | September 16, 2012, 13:20The old standby of ‘minotaur with an axe vs centaur with a (cross)bow’?
Posted by braintomahawk | September 16, 2012, 13:58Speaker 7 should write a blog about onions and garlic, and how eating lots of onion and garlic helps to keep away vampires… Most importantly, it keeps away men like Christian Grey. I heard he had a few childhood “incidents” that left him rather fucked up. I’m sure Speaker 7 could tell you more about this…
Posted by Love & Lunchmeat | September 16, 2012, 14:06I agree – a blog detailing how to use children as your ashtray.
Posted by aliceatwonderland | September 16, 2012, 20:42Got here late, all the good topics have been taken.
Posted by John Phillips | September 16, 2012, 17:55John,
By the look of the votes, I think the winners are already crowned anyway. Greetings, anyway.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 16, 2012, 18:12Best of luck as you sally forth into battle
Posted by John Phillips | September 16, 2012, 18:20Topic – What if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?
Posted by Red | September 16, 2012, 19:25I’m in trouble because I’m often so drunk I can’t stand on just one leg while shaking the other.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | September 16, 2012, 19:32I hear you, and then turning yourself around, that is just like twirling, and then I don’t want to stop, but I have to, cuz that’s what it’s all about.
Posted by Red | September 16, 2012, 19:38Topic: “The best topic ever is…”
Posted by Kim | September 17, 2012, 01:48The largest debate there can possibly be in the history of time should once and for all be settled between the two of you. Toilet paper: over or under? Go.
Posted by becca3416 | September 18, 2012, 10:31Becca,
It would have been a great debate. Just for fun: over. And always 2-ply. Minimum.
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | September 18, 2012, 10:39I’ve given up on any consistency in this are seeing as it is usually all over my floor when I get home. Damn cats taking over my pad.
Posted by becca3416 | September 18, 2012, 10:42