Part I. Fabulous soundtrack for this magnificent post: Pet Shop Boys – Go West.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of McJobs. Le Clown worked as a customer service representative. He was 27 and handsome like a young Hugh Grant. Just… more… manly. Or so he thought.
Le Clown wears pink; it’s a colour that fits perfectly with his skin complexion. Le Clown thinks he’s quite fashionable, even though he’s an 80′s child: he goes to the gym, he has magnificent biceps, he plucks his eyebrows, trims his body hair, and bundles up in brands. He’s his biggest fan… turn him into a flower, see if he cares… He’ll be the most colourful of all flowers. Heck, Narcissus… How about we call you Le Clown from now on?
It’s a Wednesday morning, not that it matters. Le Clown puts his headset on – calls will start flowing in. The hair is waxed, the forearms are freshly trimmed – Le Clown looks outright fabulous. There are a few minutes to chat with the cute colleague:
- Le Clown, she says, great shirt! Is it from Club Monaco?
- Yes it is, Le Clown replies. They have amazing sales right now.
- You have exquisite taste Le Clown. But then again, you’re gay…
- Criiiitch, scraatch!!! [the sound of a scratched vinyl record, right? Come on! Right?].
Le Clown – as a gay homosexual - was going to be a recurring theme in his life.
- Gay? What gives you that idea?
- You’re not? Are you sure? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
- Why would you say that? Le Clown replies while adjusting his very tight pink V-neck shirt.
- Well… she says…
- You’re well spoken… [So is
Anderson Cooper Doogie Howser Alex Trebek]
- You dress like a fashion icon… [So does David Beckham].
- You’re fit… [So is
everyone at the YMCA Geraldo Rivera].
- And you’re into the arts. [So was Bob Ross].
- That makes me magnificent, no?… Not. Gay. [Stupid fag hag].
She turns around, humming, and while the melody is literally indistinguishable, Le Clown recognizes Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out.
In part II (Friday) Le Clown will discuss the intricacies of being gay when you’re straight.