Valerie Jodoin-Keaton
I first met Valérie Jodoin Keaton back in 2004 – I was 99 years old. Le Clown was a tad nervous… Although I was meeting Valérie for the first time, I knew who she was, and I was not going to let her know that being The Dears‘ keyboardist and backing vocalist made Le Clown gush like a fanboy. [Note to my readers: Le Clown doesn't giggle like a school girl when in the presence of celebrities. No, Le Clown gushes like a real man, by grabbing his crotch, and spitting on the floor]. She stayed for a few hours, we talked about kids, The Dear’s bassist, Malajube‘s producer, For Those About to Love‘s band member, her boyfriend Martin, and left. I cried I asked for an autograph I got her name tattooed on my forehead. The next couple of years were busy for Valérie and Le Clown: she toured around the world while Le Clown moved to the ‘burbs; she photographed Beck, Jack White and The Flaming Lips for her book Backstage, while Le Clown changed diapers; she was invited by Paul McCartney to photograph him on stage – not once, but twice – while Le Clown became a goddamn blogging superstar. We kept in touch, but life being life [deep thoughts from Le Clown], it took 8 years to meet again.
My friends were looking for a photographer, someone who understands the audio industry… you know where I’m going with this, right? I introduce everyone, everyone gets along, we’re one big happy family. On with the photo shoot! Le Clown, says Valérie, I need you to be my personal-assistant, my roadie for the day. Can you let go of your ego, and carry my tripod? Le Clown a P.A.? Le Clown NOT the centre of attention? Le Clown walking in someone else’s shadow? Le Clown is a proud man, his ego is envied by the likes of Kanye West, and that Bono dude. I mentally rehearsed my answer a few times, searching for the perfect words, and tone. Once I was pleased with myself – yet again – I looked at Valérie, straight in the eyes, and eloquently [of course] I said: Oh hells yes, Valérie! Can I fetch you some water? Valet your car? Touch-up your make-up? Offer you my next born child? Le Clown is at your service.
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When someone approached Valerie’s unattended gear,
I barked. Loud.
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- Valérie did not bring a Fisheye lens… I created one.
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- I made Valérie feel better by taking worse pictures than her.
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- Valerie Jodoin-Keaton
*All pictures have some sort of legal document protecting them from being used and copied all over the internet, unless it is to boost Le Clown’s magnificence on all four corners of the interwebs.
So where are the photos of Le Clown being the subservient P.A.?
Posted by Madame Weebles | July 25, 2012, 07:06Madame Weebles,
I had little time to take pics of Le Clown as P.A., but more pics in part II.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 07:08I think the barking at people was a nice touch. My PA does that…well, my PA would do that if I had a PA. I have a sock puppet I wear on my left hand and it occasionally says “Hey that wasn’t a bad post Speaker7.”
Posted by speaker7 | July 25, 2012, 07:13Speaker 7,
Right? I mean, the sight of a grown man in clown make-up growling is unnerving just in itself… As for your sock puppet, it must be the only thing it says, rightfully so………
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 07:22An ego trip should always be preferred to tripping on one’s ego.
Having an envied ego is an enviable position, O veritable egotist! Le Clown sire, I envy you.
Posted by HaLin | July 25, 2012, 08:13HaLin,
I must admit that your comment produced some “HAHAHA” and “LOL” this morning. Thank you.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 08:15“ROFL” too!
Posted by HaLin | July 25, 2012, 08:20Did she also ask you to be the mother or your next child? Are you being shy and not telling us that part? Were the glasses of water you fetched for her all sparkly and magical?
Posted by Love & Lunchmeat | July 25, 2012, 08:28L&L,
Valérie has a beautiful 3 1/2 boy with her hubby Martin… As I am magnanimous, though, I could always lend her my daughter for a few years… as you know.
As for the water…….. of course! I got a glass from a unicorn spring.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 08:30Le Clown,
Color me jealous. I would love to watch a photographer work for a day.
Peaches
Posted by Peaches | July 25, 2012, 09:36Peaches,
Right? My street creds simultaneously went up, too.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 09:39Dear Le Clown,
I um……have been working on my…reader.
It seems I wasn’t following you anymore.
I was following Black Box.
Which has had me so interested, I kind of forgot about your snarky side.
I don’t know how it happened.
I’m back.
Don’t bark at me.
Lis
Posted by Carr Party of Five | July 25, 2012, 09:50Lis,
Reader… It played a few tricks on me.
Happy to see you again. I won’t bark if you keep your distance from Valérie’s equipment.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 09:52A new career for you perhaps?
Posted by nevercontrary | July 25, 2012, 10:59Never Contrary,
Only if I can take 4-hour naps.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 12:32Dearest of all clowns the Magnificent Le Clown,
I could be a good PA, thinking of relocating and changing career
p.s: sigh!
Have loads of fun, waiting for part 2.
Love
U
Posted by quod1me4nutrit1me9destruit | July 25, 2012, 12:31U,
You have set a new standard. I hope all other bloggers will follow your lead and greet me the same way you dd.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 12:33Le Clown,
I am flattered and proud ah x
U
Posted by quod1me4nutrit1me9destruit | July 25, 2012, 12:37In part 2, does Arcade Fire show up in gas masks, wielding strangely-labeled canisters and assault rifles, aiming to claim Valérie’s gear for their own during which land-and-air-based assault you managed to thwart the entire collective, making Valérie’s gear (the world) safe for another day?
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 13:52Sapha12,
Interestingly enough, there is an anecdote which involves Arcade Fire and Valérie, albeit an uninteresting one, for most… Perhaps one day, if Valérie allows it…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 13:58Oh Most Wise Le Clown,
Ah. Does it involve a tourtière bake-off and several rounds of fisticuffs?
-sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 14:02Sapha12,
And igloos, poutine and maple syrup. And polar bears, eh?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 14:04Le Clown,
Clearly. Because didn’t you know that up here we all ride around on ferocious dogsleds and pronounce all words ending in ‘out’ as if they ended in ‘oot’?
sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 14:06Sapha12,
I haven’t made it to your blog, yet… But would you be a fellow Canadian? And/or Montrealer?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 14:07Le Clown,
A fellow Canadian, I am. I do not happen to be a Montrealer, though I have many friends that are (including, but not limited to, a band I stage managed at a festival back in March who gave me an open invitation to visit and, whenever I do, they said they’ll “get a few whiskys in me and show me the town”). That said, the painfully small town in Northern Ontario that I grew up in is something like a 45-minute drive from the Quebec border.
sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 14:13Sapha12,
I must ask:
1. The name of the band;
2. The name of the Northern Ontario town, my wife being from Carleton Place…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 14:15Le Clown,
1. Cab. Very solid bunch of guys that were an absolute blast to work with. The same festival, I also stage managed another Montreal band, Jesuslesfilles, who were also pretty fantastic to work with (and who I was far too stoked to see had copies of their record on cassette.)
. http://bit.ly/NYxOWs
2. Englehart, which is a bit further north
sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 14:21Sapha12,
I bit.lied your link as it made my blog look ugly… I’m that shallow. You weren’t lying when you said you lived up north… I do believe I know people even further up… I shit you not… Moosonee, Ontario. Yup…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 17:50Sir Le Clown IV, Esq.,
Haha……no problem
. I know people in Moosonee as well 
. So far north…: |.
sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 17:52Sapha12,
You’re getting the hang of this blog… And I will wait till my kids are locked up in the wardrobe again tonight to listen to the bands you suggested. I thank you for it.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 17:55Mighty Exalted Supreme Chancellor Le Clown of Quadrant 349-6 of Space (all of it),
You’re welcome
. If you would ever like musical suggestions, just tell me what you’re feeling like and I shall supply. It’s like I’m legally dealing. But, y’know, music and stuff. Haha.
sapha12
Posted by sapha12 | July 25, 2012, 18:15You’re 99? You must be using the same Rula Lenska cream I use.
Posted by Sword-chinned bitch | July 25, 2012, 14:52Auntie Sandor,
99, and as many balloons. Lame.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 17:50So not only are you an aider, an abetter and an instigator, but now you’re also a facilitator. That’s quite an achievement in made-up sounding accolades!
Posted by Smaktakula | July 25, 2012, 17:43Smak,
You write really nice sentences.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 17:45Sadly, that’s pretty much the alpha and omega of my resume!
Posted by Smaktakula | July 25, 2012, 17:47Cool story, le Clown, even if it was just a fancy way to name-drop.
Did I tell you that the drummer from April Wine used to attend the same church as I did on the West Island? I met Jesus too. He sends his regards.
Posted by writerwendyreid | July 25, 2012, 18:22Wendy,
The only name dropping there is in this post is L-E C-L-O-W-N. Simply. And April Wine… What’s that? Some Québecois vin nouveau?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 18:33lawl!
Posted by asoulwalker | July 26, 2012, 22:50Very cool indeed Le Clown!!
Can we have your autograph?
Posted by free penny press | July 25, 2012, 18:42Lynne,
You can. I’ll even send you an autographed picture of Le Clown.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 18:45If you do that I promise to frame it and put in my almost-but-not-finished-yet artsy decorated work cubicle.. Hell, I’ll even make a post about it!!
Email away!!
Posted by free penny press | July 25, 2012, 18:47Lynne,
PM me your address, and I’ll send you something special next week.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 18:48will do
NO CRAIGS LISTING it.. (ok just in Toronto)
Posted by free penny press | July 25, 2012, 19:40Le Clown,
I do love your ego. Bono’s ringtone is one of his own songs, but in turn he must surely be your PA. ‘Le Clown can’t answer the phone right now because he’s too important. Would you like to leave a message with me, Bono?’
Chris
Posted by Chris Biscuits | July 25, 2012, 19:24Chris,
I was recently told by a pair of Irish bloggers, one Catholic and one Protestant, that you can actually buy a guided tour of Bono’s ego when in Ireland. I know what I’m doing with my kids’ college funds.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 20:47Le Clown
I’ve heard the tour ends with a virtual reality day-in-the-life exhibit. You get to put on those cataract glasses he wears by way of a headset.
Chris
Posted by Chris Biscuits | July 25, 2012, 21:01Le Clown, you are positively amaze-balls, and you have so many names to drop. I’m beyond impressed!
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | July 25, 2012, 20:22Jenn,
I think I did a pretty good job
placing keywords for Googleobjectively relaying some info… I could have added M.I.A., Beastie Boys and Rufus Wainwright, but I’m a class act…Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 25, 2012, 20:29I’m blinded by your light. Literally…
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | July 25, 2012, 22:13A true leader Le Clown, will not feel threatened when choosing to walk in the shadow of another…and a good leader will know not to follow a lemming!
You have done both!
Well done…you must be special. And writing such a kick-ass-super-funny post…I bow to your qualities
Posted by slapppshot | July 25, 2012, 23:06Le Clown rises to the occasion…
Posted by drawandshoot | July 26, 2012, 00:20Karen,
He so did! And I took out my best arsenals… Unicorns, leprechauns, and hobbits helped out.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | July 26, 2012, 13:54This is good to hear.
Posted by asoulwalker | July 26, 2012, 14:14Wow that’s pretty Le Awesome
Posted by daddyranman | July 26, 2012, 23:14