Le Clown is a sensible man, albeit being an emotional maelstrom. Arguably our world’s greatest life strategist, Le Clown dazzles his surrounding with his commonsensical everyday choices, and magnanimity:
- Le Clown allows panhandlers to bother him for money ;
- Lord Evil Poppy may call Le Clown “Dad” ;
- Le Clown welcomes new readers to his blog, and grants his new Carnies the right to like his posts, and write astute comments ;
- Some of you have been grateful for having the written authorization to add Le Clown to your lacklustre blogrolls ;
- As not all of his readers speak French, and might have difficulties pronouncing “Le Clown“, His Magnificence has accepted several alternative monikers: “Jesus“, “Gandhi“, “Buddha“, “President of the World“.
Take that, Tony Roberts! So why is it that for the past 4 years, The Ringmistress – who witnessed my benevolence first-hand, every single day – firmly refuses to grant me the simple wish of seeing her in the post-cocaine-Carrie-Fisher-Slave-Princess-Leia metal bikini costume as seen in Return of the Jedi? I gave this woman my semen, after all…
The Ringmistress: “No Princess Leia metal bikini role play for you, Le Clown. Not for Christmas, not on your birthday. Not even on our wedding night. I could dress as Gloria Steinem if you really, really insist.”
yeah. i’m still recovering from some nerd-boy Star Wars fantasy stories that my crushes have told me in the past. They remained crushes as i lost interest fast. lol
One guy told me he loved Star Wars so much that he got very mad at his then girlfriend, when she was going down him, while he was busy watching Return of the Jedi for the 145th time. “What are you doing!?! Can’t you see I’m watching Star Wars!!!!!”
Posted by Celine | May 30, 2012, 08:15Celine,
The only thing I can say about this Return of the Jedi overzealous fan is that he obsessed on the wrong Star Wars film. If you’re going to watch one of them 145 times, it should be The Empire Strikes Back. Everyone knows that…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:20no worries, he watches them all. I reconnected with him on facebook. He hasn’t changed.
It took me ages before wanting to watch any Star Wars flick. I am one of the few who can claim I watched them all in order Ep 1-6.lol
Posted by Celine | May 30, 2012, 08:46Celine,
I wouldn’t say this out loud [although you didn't, you wrote it down]. I guess you’ve missed the magic that was the first instalments, as seen through the eyes of a child, and not by the sarcastic fucks we become with age. However, I think would have quickly developed sarcasm if I would have watched The Phantom Menace as a child.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:54Bahahaha! The Ringmistress rocks.
Posted by meizac | May 30, 2012, 08:16Meizac,
She rocks… just stubbornly not in a metal bikini.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:23Maybe find her a comfortable metal bikini….
Comfortable.
Metal.
Nah, not going to happen.
Sorry, clown boy, seems you’re outta luck.
Posted by meizac | May 30, 2012, 08:29
Posted by Celine | May 30, 2012, 09:57Damn, Ghandi Jesus has no pull with the ladies like I read in the books
Posted by daddyranman | May 30, 2012, 08:19DaddyRanman,
Don’t believe anything you read. The truth is on television.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:23Perhaps you can compromise and instead have the Ringmistress dress as the weird nun Fisher played in the film Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Empire Strikes Back theme coupled with the fact that Jay and Silent Bob also did that bit on the death star in Clerks makes it not too far away from your fantasy.
Posted by Ape No. 1 | May 30, 2012, 08:29Ape,
I can understand the logic behind your very thoughtful idea. But it brings me too close to the image of a naked Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:38Oh, Le Clown, I feel your pain. Mr. Weebles refuses to dress up in a combat uniform for me. Some nerve.
Posted by Madame Weebles | May 30, 2012, 08:44Madame Weebles,
I can write Mr. Weebles on your behalf. He wouldn’t dare say no to Le Clown, now would he?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 08:55Mr. Chickadee says that everything looks better crumpled up on the bedroom floor, so getting all tarted up seems rather unnecessary to both of us. I guess he’s not that big on that sort of fantasy, though he really enjoys fantasy baseball…
Posted by DeeDee | May 30, 2012, 09:19DeeDee,
Black latex looks better on skin than crumpled up on the bedroom floor. Tell Mr. Chickadee he doesn’t have to thank me.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 09:21I totally understand your problem. I can’t get Boyfriend to dress up in a Leia Slave girl metal bikini either. Oh, the struggles of a Star Wards nerd…
Posted by Sophy | May 30, 2012, 09:37Sophy,
My heart goes to you, Sophy. Have you asked him about Princess Leia, hair-buns version? I failed there too…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 09:51Haha, well, even though his hair is much more beautiful than mine, I’m usually the one with the hair buns…
Posted by Sophy | May 30, 2012, 10:04Haha! Aw, you poor thing
Posted by MissFourEyes | May 30, 2012, 09:41MissFourEyes,
You’re empathetic and I thank you. I might just make an open call to my Carnies: “Send me your best Princess Leia metal bikini picture”. That’s an idea, no?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 09:54Like wearing them? I’m not sure you want to see a man in a metal bikini of any sort. That’s never a good idea
Posted by MissFourEyes | May 30, 2012, 10:05O fine President of the World
Has she given you any GOOD reasons? Is she worried about being kidnapped by Hutts?
Posted by AndyWatchesMovies | May 30, 2012, 09:51Andy,
Alas, no, my dear friend. The Ringmistress doesn’t give reasons. She navigates in these vicinities: “No. Eat shit. You dress like her”.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 09:53It’s great that you’re still attracted to your wife after all this time, but, dude, TMI!!!
Besides, the Princess Leia bikini’s so overdone. Wonder Woman, now that’s what I’d ask for. That or Mrs. Roper.
Posted by Fred | May 30, 2012, 10:10Fred,
Le Magnificent President of the World will decide himself what consists as “TMI”, thank you very much.
And do NOT upset me with this “overdone fantasy” nonsense. Crying is not good for Le Clown’s make-up.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 10:44Awww, don’t cry. Hey, at least you don’t already look like a bald wookie! /looks at self in mirror, hangs head
Posted by Fred | May 30, 2012, 10:48I probably shouldn’t say this, I promised I wouldn’t but…Eric I think you should know Sara has dressed up as Leia for me before. The experience was so profound and awe inspiring that she swore that to ever do it again would be tainting the most perfect moment of her life.
I’m sorry but now you know.
Posted by Michelle | May 30, 2012, 10:26Michelle,
I relayed this info to The Ringmistress, who’s currently doing dishes, dressed as Lisbeth Salander. She punched me in the face, as a result, and said “Don’t ever bring this up again, Le Buffoon”.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 10:45Maybe she’ll reconsider if you don tiny briefs like Daniel Craig in the James Bond movie “Casino Royale.” Emerging from the water dripping wet. Six pack abs on display…
Posted by crubin | May 30, 2012, 10:34Crubin,
Sounds like a plan. I prefer this twist: a superb and magnificent ONE AB tiny brief Le Bond Clown!
Le CLown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 10:47Women across North America are already quivering…
Posted by crubin | May 30, 2012, 10:56Yeah Sara! I agree with her — why don’t you dress like her? That should spice things up a ‘lil. I likes my mens dressed up as womens.
Posted by Sword-chinned bitch | May 30, 2012, 11:14Just as an FYI, women don’t see “giving us your semen” as a reason to do anything for you. After all, most of you are just giving it away willy nilly.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | May 30, 2012, 11:17Jen,
May I remind you that we speak of Le Clown’s semen, the coveted Le Clown semen?
Thank you,
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 11:57Ah, yes. Your Jerk Sauce. It sounds like something you’d spread on a hamburger.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | May 30, 2012, 13:00Jen,
There you go! I don’t see why not…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 13:01ASTUTE ASTUTE ASTUTE ASTUTE (You know, if you say that over and over, you realize that you are actually saying “ass toot”, which makes for giggles.)
Posted by Kathy V. | May 30, 2012, 11:19Kathy,
Witty, witty, witty, l’amie.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 11:59I need a Like button for comments!
Posted by Maggie O'C | May 30, 2012, 18:05I never got written approval to add you to my blog roll. Does that mean I am in trouble?
p.s. She is good at giving the middle finger. BRAVO!
Posted by bipolarmuse | May 30, 2012, 14:00BPMuse,
You got a tattoo of my approval. Stop with your nonsense.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 30, 2012, 15:31Tattoo of approval is even better. Permanent.
Posted by bipolarmuse | May 30, 2012, 16:24Le Clown,
Glad to have you back posting and writing in third person again
HS xox
Posted by Hellosailor | May 30, 2012, 15:48HS,
Le Clown thanks you.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 14:47She’s hotter than Carrie Fisher. You have such a beautiful family.
Dress like Gloria Steinem?! hahahaha braless with big glasses???
Posted by Maggie O'C | May 30, 2012, 18:05Maggie,
My wife is hot. God I know. I can just imagine my very hot wife in Leia’s metal bikini. Pfft. Can’t write anymore.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 14:49Le Clown,
How could you ask the Ringmistress to do such a thing? That picture of her that you posted is SO much better than some stupid metal bikini. and yes I am a huge star wars fan, but damn… I don’t want to see my insignificant other dressed up like a star wars character.
well… plus what fun would a Wookie costume be? Seriously….
-THAM
Posted by the howler and me | May 30, 2012, 19:38THAM,
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 14:50oh quit yer bitchin’ Le Clown.
Us cool chicks, yeah – we REALLY get sick of being asked to dress up like slave Princess Leia… I swear, show some originality!
All geek dudes ask that, don’t you know ANYTHING? It gets OLD after a while.
THAM
Posted by the howler and me | May 31, 2012, 18:01THAM,
I don’t want to show some originality! I want Princess Leia Metal Bikini. Ok? Why do I have to be creative? Is my fantasy less credible as I’m not asking for Lisbeth Salander?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 18:10I work with a bunch of nerds who would also enjoy that. I might wear it if I were asked really, really nicely…..but I’m sure the Ringmistress has her reasons for saying fuck you.
Posted by writerwendyreid | May 30, 2012, 22:13Wendy,
The Ringmistress likes to say fuck you as I like to say I’m magnificent. We understand each other this way.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 15:01Le Clown,
Had I the looks your Ringmistress is blessed with and the vanity she has been blessed to not possess, metallic cloth bikini could be an option. Sadly, Since at some point I fulfilled the prophecies of my middle school tormentors and took on the immage of fair Leia’s captor, who most decidedly would not be as enticing in a metallic bikini. So, kudos to the Ringmistress for offering to channel Dame Stein.
Posted by Human In Recovery | May 31, 2012, 01:51HiR,
You are a kind Carnie, and The Ringmistress will be very happy to read your praise.
Le I Think You’re Awesome Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 15:04I still remember Carrie Fisher talking about filming in the metal bikini when the movie first came out. Production staff would periodically come over and ask “Tits okay?” If that’s question needs to be asked, perhaps The Ringmistress has a point. It might be hot to look at, but not sexy times inducing comfortable.
How about the tight white pants from Empire? You could dress up as Han Solo and make her call you Le Scoundrel.
Posted by purplemary54 | May 31, 2012, 14:32PM54,
You all make very convincing arguments why NOT to indulge in the Leia-metal bikini fantasy. Thank you. You’re all a bunch of traitors.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | May 31, 2012, 14:45The Ring Mistress is the BESTEST! ♥
Posted by Veggiewitch | June 1, 2012, 02:23VW,
I can’t argue with you. She is.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | June 1, 2012, 10:16Oh I used to dream as a school boy of Carrie Fisher in that outfit. Alas, it got wrecked for me by the episode of ‘Friends’ that talks about picturing your mother in the outfit. Just as it does in the TV episode, it wrecked the image for me forever…
Posted by kenthinksaloud | June 5, 2012, 05:28