Alas. As magnificent of an idea was Le HonoUrary Clown Badge, Le Clown has been told that it will simply not be feasible. Jen, the sole winner of this incredible honour, has reported that the magnificent badge html code will only work on a small amount of WordPress templates.
Le Clown is not a huge fan of annoyances, nor is he a fan of small things… Le Clown likes it big: bigger is better, I don’t care what you all say. Introducing the Bigger and Better Dick in a Box! You can’t use the badge on other bloggers’ posts? Who gives a rat’s ass! There’s only one place to be, and it’s on Le Clown on Fire. Le Clown is world famous, President of the Wold famous that is… And Le Clown needs a personal assistant, as he doesn’t have enough time – nor hands – to answer the blogosphere’s demand for his magnificence. Le Clown doesn’t want to become a divorce statistic… He should cater to his wife’s and kids’ needs on a daily basis… At least 10 minutes per day.
The winner of the Bigger and Better Dick in a Box will be granted the utmost privilege of answering Le Clown’s blog posts’ comments, randomly, as s/he pleases. And there’s more [my magnificence makes me cry sometimes]! The winner will have to write a 200-word mini-blog with picture(s) during her/his reign as my personal assistant. Le Magnificent Clown will create a 1-week guest blogger profile for his assistant! Le Clown has a sweet taste for longevity; he will also create a new page on his blog where all guest posts will be displayed together: the Bigger and Better Dick in a Box page. Imagine… You will be read on Le Clown on Fire. Don’t cry. Just be thankful.
Jen, you’re the first winner. An honour, and one you will want to carry out with gusto. Please use the badge freely on my blog, and go crazy on my readers’ comments. I will also expect your blog post published by Wednesday, at the latest. Get to it. Next winner will be crowned Thursday. You know the rules: best comment on Le Clown’s posts wins the Bigger and Better Dick in a Box.
I love the bigger dick in a box. It’s much bigger than the itty bitty dick in a box, which was hard to differentiate from the pinterest share botton. So what’s the thing here Le Clown… I have to say something really smart to get it? No? And if I get it, how do I use it? Sorry if these are silly questions, but it is Sunday morning okay. Great to have you back in bloggosphere
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | April 22, 2012, 08:48Anette,
I think by being a good sport (read other bloggers’ comments), you might win the first edition by default… Which makes it magnificent in my books. Unless someone wants to give you a bit of competition…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:16Le Clown,
But what if we win the Bigger Better Dick in a Box… but we don’t want to be the winner? I mean seriously… some of us are lazy fucks and don’t want the extra work….
-the howler and me
Posted by the howler and me | April 22, 2012, 09:02Le Clown is fair. You can opt out and still write wonderful comments.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:04I don’t have time to win this new version of the Dick in a Box; therefore, all of my comments (as per usual) will simply be mediocre. This has the added benefit of saving you precious time, as you will not have to try to come up with a witty comeback.
You’re welcome.
Posted by meizac | April 22, 2012, 09:12Meizac,
I take this as an opt out.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:04Tell you what…you do Tough Mudder, I’ll step up my commenting game.
Posted by meizac | April 22, 2012, 10:28And, to be honest/frank, I anticipated a lot more from your readers.
Posted by meizac | April 22, 2012, 10:33Meizac,
Glad to see you still in the game. And I’m with you as per my readers… But it’s still early, let’s hope some will opt in as the day goes by…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:46I am not sure I want this Dick in a Box… plus, my comments are always simply “meh”.
Posted by bipolarmuse | April 22, 2012, 09:21BPMuse,
Opted out.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:06Ha! Don’t call me out quite like that. Dang!
Posted by bipolarmuse | April 22, 2012, 10:19BPMuse,
Opted in.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:46Don’t you look a dick horse in the mouth! You want it, trust me!
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:10Now I have comment performance anxiety. I need commiagra.
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | April 22, 2012, 09:59Jenn,
I’m happy to see that you are not like the other bloggers, and can face a real challenge. You might just win.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:05Maybe that would help my commentile dysfunction…
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | April 22, 2012, 10:17There is some STIFF competition in this arena, but I think you can do it!
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:09Commentiagra is 99 dollars a pill from my off-shore distributor…Le Clown must make this worth my while…
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | April 24, 2012, 07:16Faced with the fear of extra work and even more time devoted to the blogosphere than I should be giving, my comments will from this point forward be sub-average, or maybe even not worth a monkey’s ass…
Posted by crubin | April 22, 2012, 10:01Crubin,
I take this as an opt out. Please feel free to be spectacular; you will not win this awesome honour.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 10:06Parfait!
Posted by crubin | April 22, 2012, 10:07“Ha!!!” was all I could say!
Posted by daddyranman | April 22, 2012, 14:16A little demanding, eh?
Doubt I have a mosquito’s chance in a tornado, but I guess I’ll give it a go. Is there a particular topic for the mini-blog? And does it have to stay at 200 words? You know I like a good long post. What else do I need to do to demonstrate my devotion to your magnificence, oh white-faced one? I trained in makeup application, if you need assistance there, too.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | April 22, 2012, 16:44TAOTBM,
Now now! You have has good of a chance as anybody. I was still waiting for the last header to be submitted, but it’s not coming, so expect yours on rotation as of tomorrow.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 16:50I have been debating redrawing it considering you seem to have taken to wearing the rainbow afro and red nose of true clownliness. But you can always use what I sent you as we never know when the muse will strike…or I’ll be bored at work.
As for me, I shall trundle away at attempting humor in your wake. If only I could be half as magnificent as you, I would reach heights never thought of before! Alas, I shall have to be content with my small mountain of wonderfulness upon which the grammar police and spelling gremlins have free range.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | April 23, 2012, 00:46Why not a Bigger and Better Vagina in a Box? Is Le Clown sexist? My feminist ex-girlfriends will be very displeased in Le Clown.
Posted by calahan | April 22, 2012, 16:47Calahan,
Le Clown chose to go the SEO way… Thanks to Justin Timberlake, Google loves dicks!
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 22, 2012, 16:49Thank you for clarifying, Le Clown. If you ever do, in fact, find a vagina in a box, I suggest you bring it the nearest lost and found because odds are that someone will be looking for it.
Posted by calahan | April 22, 2012, 16:53I never thought the word “bigger” would be associated with a vagina in a positive way. Is that what guys like now? If so, what are you doing later tonight, calahan?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:07I want the dick outisde of the box….I’ll put it in the box later.
Posted by writerwendyreid | April 22, 2012, 18:55Wendy,
This particular dick in a box is exclusive to Le Clown’s wife, when outside the box. Good luck on winning the badge!
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 06:39I wasn’t necessarily referring to you – sorry if that inflates your magnificent ego – I meant in general. My apologies to Mrs. Le Clown for any confusion. Note to self: Keep libido in check when visiting clown on fire.
Posted by writerwendyreid | April 23, 2012, 07:59I have a Wonder bread blog so doubtful your fans would get a kick out of me as guest blogger SO I’ll be part of the cheering section per se for your other contenders. Si?
Posted by free penny press | April 22, 2012, 19:00Lynne,
You have a wonderful blog. And you would make a great guest blogger. Just sayin’.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 06:40I never have anything wittily clever to say. If I ever do, perhaps I’ll say it here one day. Also, it seems much harder to me to put a vagina in a box . . . Are there sex toys of vaginas? Apparently so. Ah, naive me. It could be a hermaphrodite in a box, but keep the dick in a box for SEO purposes . . . Okay, all this talk is making modest me blush. Consider my rambling done.
Posted by Angel Fractured | April 23, 2012, 00:31Angel,
Le Clown finds you clever, and rather intelligent, and quite well versed in pop culture. You would make a wonderful guest blogger.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 06:40Oh, I’ve always wanted to be a “gust” blogger!
Posted by Angel Fractured | April 23, 2012, 19:18I often put a Christmas bow on my vagina and run up to my boyfriend and say, “IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY!”
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:05Love this o’ so very much!!!!
Posted by Mari Sanchez Cayuso | April 23, 2012, 01:20Mari,
Exactly! What’s not to love? Mari the poet as a guest blogger. Le Clown likes.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 06:41I am assuming that this Dick-In-A-Box award is less about the passing of Dick Clark but more just a reference to humble lodgings for a willy.
Posted by Ape No. 1 | April 23, 2012, 05:27Ape,
Exactly. Toilet humour. Pure and simple. Nothing beats a fart joke on a Sunday, right?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 06:42This level of maturity appeals to me
Posted by Ape No. 1 | April 23, 2012, 07:10Remind me again why I decided to follow your blog?
Posted by roughseasinthemed | April 23, 2012, 07:20For a taste of magnificence, of course.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 23, 2012, 09:28Because Le Clown’s raw sex appeal keeps you coming back.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:03You’ve got such a big dick….in a box!!!! I cannot wait to do the blog post (SO MANY IDEAS) and torture your subs.
J&T
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:02WTF? The badge code didn’t work here >:(
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 23, 2012, 23:03