While I was applying my clown make-up this morning, I noticed some old broken capillaries on my nose, courtesy of my many years of heavy boozing. It might be news for some, but Le Clown is a recovering alcoholic, and a former drug addict. Le Clown partied real hard, for a very long time, starting at a very young age. One morning, Le Clown woke up, hungover. Lord Evil Poppy was crying, and so was my wife. She’d had enough. Though coke was now behind me, 12 beers per night was too much, she said. I agreed. I tried telling beer and cocaine that we had an unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship many times before, and many times before, I was swayed to have one last beer, for the road, for old times’ sake. On June 24, 2010, Le Clown had 14 last beers, 1/4 of a Jägermeister bottle and 1/2 of a vodka bottle, and bid farewell to a lifelong addiction.
It’s hard to find pictures of Le Clown prior to 2010 where he’s not holding a beer bottle.
Le Clown was a functional addict. On weekdays, he could easily get through 12 beers and a gram of cocaine, head for work the next day, and win a marketing award for his alcohol induced work. A functional Le Clown addict is a dangerous addict – nothing says “I’m Superman” like shining at work after 3 nights of intense debauchery. I was not immune to the pain I caused my wife, and her sorrow was ultimately my kryptonite.
Fundamentally, I stopped drinking for myself. It was a messy break-up. I also cared a great deal for my family. I chose Sara. I chose Le Clown. People don’t like hearing you don’t drink (not even a little), more so hearing you’re a recovering alcoholic. It’s weird and icky, and you’re no fun at the office XMAS party. For awhile, I didn’t say anything about my addictions, but for me and you, dear readers, to pursue something, this is need-to-know.