Now that Le Clown has grown bigger, and by bigger, I mean 200+ readers, I thought I should reintroduce the Alan Smithee Blog award to you. Why? Because I visit your blogs, and I read your posts, and I comment on your work, and I fail to see this prestigious award on your own blogs, and it hurts my feelings. A sad clown is a sad thing. So.
Introducing the Alan Smithee Blog award! And it’s all yours… You’ve been nominated for a Liebster award? a Versatile award? an Awesome Blog Content award? a f*cking Oscar?, and you want to pull a Marlon Brando on the prize? Fret not! The Alan Smithee Blog award is for you. You don’t need to nominate a single other blogger for it, nor will you have to give anyone your social security number for it. Simply save it to your desktop, and add it to your blog – OR don’t! It’s yours to do what you want with it. Stop the chain-letter awards, I say! Stop caressing your ego with these meaningless awards and risk the wrath of your spouse! Save the wales, and claim the Alan Smithee Blog award now, before I change my mind.
The Alan Smithee Blog award is available in two versions.
The large version of the Alan Smithee Blog award is available exclusively in beautiful black and gold colours. It’s elegant eye chart layout will make you the envy of every opthamologists bloggers this side of town. Its impressive 250*400 pixels dimensions will convey the illusion that you walk taller than the rest, but that’s just an illusion – as we all know that opting for LARGE is only your way of compensating for wanting the actual smaller version of this award.
So go ahead, don’t compensate, and take the smaller version of the award. This 125*200 pixels version comes in the same glorious black and gold colours, and stylish eye chart layout. It’s 50% smaller- if you haven’t done the math yet – and will fit better on your blog. You can also carry it in your wallet. And you’ll sleep better at night. We’ll all sleep better at night. Trust me.
The Alan Smithee Blog award has its own static page. Just in case you get lost.
There’s nothing I enjoy more in the morning than drinking a cup of tea and reading your latest post. Wait. That’s not true. Let me start over. There’s nothing I enjoy more in the morning than drinking a Maker’s Mark and ginger ale out of a coffee mug so my kids don’t know that I’m drinking a Maker’s Mark and ginger ale out of a coffee mug.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 08:56I Facebook “like” this comment.
Posted by Adrienne schmadrienne | April 11, 2012, 10:56=)
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 10:59I do this except I don’t have kids…and I’m at work…and my coworkers have to prop me up after I’ve passed out.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 11, 2012, 14:57I like your style.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 15:27All,
I thought I should chip in too.
Chipped in.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:06Oh Clown, please go take a nap and let me do my thing.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 18:55lol that’s nice
Posted by quod1me4nutrit2me1destruit | April 11, 2012, 08:57You deserve it.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:06Teehee, Merci
Posted by quod1me4nutrit2me1destruit | April 11, 2012, 17:23I have no idea who Stacie is, but I love her.
Posted by meizac | April 11, 2012, 10:03Thanks for the love. But a more important question, do you too drink Maker’s Mark in the morning out of a coffee cup reading Le Clown when you should be packing lunches? Le Clown is my favorite read right now, but don’t tell him that. I’m a Gemini: très fickle.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 10:44If I knew what Maker’s Mark was and I liked ginger ale (you can thank my mother for my aversion to it), I would.
Instead, I lock myself in my office and drink my tea and eat my breakfast while reading Le Clown and not getting the kids ready for school like I should be.
Posted by meizac | April 11, 2012, 16:06Stacie, Meizac,
I can’t just fly by these comments and not raise the bar to yours…
Here Is thought I was going to relax, and let Le Clown’s wit take a nap this afternoon… But no… Stacie and Meizac and Jen and all of you are on fire today…
Come one Le Clown, light up!
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:09Come to Colorado for a visit. I will personally show you the virtues of Maker’s Mark. But don’t tell Le Clown. I didn’t invite him.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 19:02Stacie,
I wouldn’t tell Le Clown either. You wouldn’t want him to scare your kids, right?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 19:05Or make them cry.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 19:07Dear Clown,
Like Dotty, I have now commandeered your comments section.
Yours Truly, Gemini Girl.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | April 11, 2012, 11:00Stacie,
I like you.
Everyone, my liking for Stacy is not everyone’s business.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:07I am totally going to take one of these. I have an optometry appointment coming up, so this chart will help me cram for the eye test.
Posted by calahan | April 11, 2012, 11:01Calahan,
If anyone deserves it, it’s you. Not that I don’t think any other readers do. You are all fucking fantastic. But I love your blog, dude. I really do.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:11There, there, Le Clown. Isn’t that the nature of clowns, to be sad and hide their true feelings behind the facade of make-up? The face paint is meant to hide the cracks and chinks in your armour…
What the hell am I thinking? I’ll pop that ASA on my blog(s) ASAP.
Your faithful Veggie-reader,
Veggiewitch ♥
P.S. For the record, other than you, all clowns share the sh*t out of me. They always have. /shudders
Posted by Veggiewitch | April 11, 2012, 13:18SCARE
Epic Comment Failure #1 for Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The tally begins…
Posted by Veggiewitch | April 11, 2012, 13:20VW,
Happy to consider you an Alan Smithee Blog award winner.
Le’s hang out and pose in public.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:12I don’t know…Clowns *sharing* the shit out of me would TERRIFY me.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | April 11, 2012, 16:34wuz wonderin what do I gotta do to get one of them there awards
Posted by Sword-chinned bitch | April 11, 2012, 14:25SCB,
Nothing to do. That’s the beauty [just build a shrine to Le Clown].
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:14I think receiving an award is great, but the rules that come with them sometimes are just too much. “To accept this award you must tell us about the most humiliated you’ve ever been, get tested to see if we’re a kidney match, set your hair on fire, babysit Lord Evil Poppy for a weekend and then say ‘thank you’ in 35 different languages.”
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 11, 2012, 15:01Jen,
I agree. The sentiment is nice, and to be recognized by your peers too.
But I don’t like telling readers how beautiful I am naked, or how amazing of a… driver I am…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:16It’s overkill because clearly we all know these things about you instinctively
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 11, 2012, 17:13Dear La Popinjay,
You are such a COPYCAT.
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | April 11, 2012, 16:47Dotty,
Are you talking about that award of yours you asked me to do for you?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 16:56Dear LP
And a FIBBER.
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | April 11, 2012, 17:00Dotty,
Can you speak English, not British?
Thank you,
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 11, 2012, 17:06Dang. Well, there goes my guilt over not writing something up for the Versatile Blogger nomination I apparently got.
Posted by Joe Pineda | April 12, 2012, 00:08Joe,
I better see this award next time I go like one of your posts.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 12, 2012, 23:11(walks in with a cup of coffee)
Hey guys, what’d I miss?
Posted by springfieldfem | April 12, 2012, 10:45Jenn,
Your coffee must be cold by now.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 12, 2012, 23:12Indeed, good sir!
Posted by springfieldfem | April 13, 2012, 10:08Here I go…I’m doing it! Thanks for the free award Clown.
Posted by bprubble | April 12, 2012, 18:09BPRubble,
You totally deserve it! Wear it proudly.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 12, 2012, 23:11I deeply yet humbly accept this award. It’s on my blog for all to see. Thanx, Clown!
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 13, 2012, 10:03HoaiPhai,
Le Clown can vouch for your sincerity. And might I add that the award looks beautiful on your blog. It should be motivation enough for other readers.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 14, 2012, 07:49I just got back from a two-day trip to the big city. Now I have 65+ emails to read, and 64 are from bloggers. And two, not one but two awards! As soon as I figure out how to put them on my blog, there they shall rest, yours probably first because I gotta think up a bunch of clever answers for the other one. Really unfair of you giving out free awards. But nice. Are clowns afire supposed to do nice things like that? Do I hafta use hot pads to pick up an award from a hot clown? Oh! An award! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Man, that’s a hot clown, a HOT clown!! Now I got a burning desire to go attach this award to my site. Hope it doesn’t go up in flames…or make an ash out of my blog…or stick me with an inflammation…or…hmmm, perhaps I have been away from this space too long…
Posted by paralaxvu | April 13, 2012, 18:59Paralaxvu,
I just visited your blog and I do not see it.
Thoroughly disappointed.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 14, 2012, 07:50Well, what can I say? I have it in draft form but amn’t sure if it’ll look good published. Try again on Sunday.
Posted by paralaxvu | April 14, 2012, 18:49Forget Sunday, try now. Except go to Pages. If you can find it. That’s where I posted it. If I’d known how difficult it was to get stuff done here, I mayhap wouldn’t have started. But fear not–not that you ever would–I’ll figure it out yet.
Posted by paralaxvu | April 14, 2012, 18:58Paralaxvu,
I’m only kidding, right?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 14, 2012, 19:00I want to take one and put it on my page, but I am torn over what to do because I am such an attention whore that I need it in nomination form with my blogname BOLD and mentioned at least 5 times so I get new subscribers… just sayin.
Posted by bipolarmuse | April 16, 2012, 10:50BPMuse,
Own it. You can do it. This award is so beautiful it will bring you all the attention you crave for. I’m all for vainness which is way I created this award. You can do it.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 16, 2012, 10:54Thank you… An award for the vain is a badge of HONOR. ♥
Posted by bipolarmuse | April 16, 2012, 10:57