“And he commanded the clouds from above and the doors of Heaven were open. Le Clown set one foot in, and the Lord’s trolls devoured him alive, make-up and red plastic nose.”
Le Clown Bible - Psalm 78:23.
Writing about a White Jesus on Palm Sunday doesn’t make you friends on the blogosphere. God and bloggers are tight ["Lord Evil Poppy... There's no way... I am NOT going to Hell. Hell is you, said Sartre, quote, end quote"...]. Readers, allow me to repent.
Repentance #1: Jesus, You’re a Cool Cat
Admittedly, I’m a PC. My wife often says: “Le Clown, you’re always wrong; you’re old, and only MAC people are cool. ” White Baby Jesus, although they say you’ve created me, I’m not hipster enough to see what a cool cat you are. But you know that, of course.
Repentance #2: I will buy myself out of Purgatory
White Baby Jesus, I was raised a Christian, and before I’ve abandoned you, the good Catholic boy that I was studied God’s Word, in French (it was the best I could do). And I know that for the right price, I can buy myself out of Hell. Nothing like a quick visit at the corner church and a few light paying prayer candles to bring me back on your good side.
Repentance #3: I will build an army against False Idols
Fuck Twilight. Fuck Bella, and Edward. Those aren’t gods! I refuse to embrace Edward as our new White Baby Jesus when it’s obviously Sam Beam, even if legions of middle-aged women build shrines and masterbate on this teenage boy vampire. Fuck the False Idol… just not literally!
[Never have I seen Lord Evil Poppy so silent, so content, so sure of herself. Her Latin thoughts are loud and clear: Tua asinum est mea, Pater.]
On this second Sunday musical interlude, here’s Iron and Wine with the appropriately titled Resurrection Fern. All Hail Team White Baby Jesus!
Remember that 1,000th ‘like’ you got the other day? After this, I predict it will be a looooooonnnnggg time before you hit 2,000.
Posted by meizac | April 1, 2012, 16:05On the other hand, it might be tonight! I have faith. We all must have faith in Le Clown. Just not with a capital F.
Posted by paralaxvu | April 1, 2012, 16:30You have a point, paralaxvu. Let me make some calls to some fellow heathens….
Posted by meizac | April 1, 2012, 16:32Thanks, Paralaxvu,
I’ve bought refreshments and snacks.
Trolls are welcome, too.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 16:48Meizac,
You think?
Do you think I can pretend it’s an April Fool’s prank?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 16:30Not now….
Posted by meizac | April 1, 2012, 16:32Dear clown,
Is it just me or can I hear an echo in here?
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | April 1, 2012, 16:40Dotty-ty-ty,What? at? at?
Le Clown-on-on
Dotty,
You must be referring to God’s silence…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 16:42Dear clown,
The Silence Of The Lamb?
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | April 1, 2012, 16:46Dotty,
You’re on
the burning bushon fire.Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 16:49Dear clown,
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | April 1, 2012, 17:10I prefer Justin Long over JC, but I wouldn’t kick either of them out of bed.
Too soon?
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 1, 2012, 16:52Jen,
I can barely keep up with you…
Will you teach me?
Le Fan
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 16:54I am currently putting together a “Jen Immersion program” in which I will subject you to my antics 24 hours a day for 8 weeks.
I guarantee that you’ll never be the same.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | April 1, 2012, 17:07Love it and trademark too!
If Jesus had WP he’d high five ya!
Posted by Mari Sanchez Cayuso | April 1, 2012, 16:59Mari,
Jesus is on Facebook.
What is he waiting for, wanker?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 17:07Thank God Jesus didn’t de-friend me…
Never mind.
Posted by Jaen Wirefly | April 1, 2012, 19:19Dude, I’ll light a candle for ya, k? Meanwhile, you just scored another like…
Posted by Jennifer Worrell | April 1, 2012, 17:00Yay for Jesus!
(Jesus is the original name dropping).
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 17:02Le Clown,
You’re going to have to get worse than that before I drop you like a hot, stinky, rotting potato. And even then, I might just plant you in my garden.
Best ~KL
Posted by kzackuslheureux | April 1, 2012, 17:04Le Clown is not mean spirited.
He likes to poke a little fun about everything…
Le Humbled Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 17:08I think jesus is given way too much attention in here!
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | April 1, 2012, 18:11Anette,
You must be from the Team Edward clan, right?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 18:14It’s always ill-advised to presume to speak for a Deity, but I’m nothing if not presumptuous. I think Jesus would echo your sentiments about Twilight, although He certainly wouldn’t have such a potty mouth.
Posted by Smaktakula | April 1, 2012, 18:19Smaktakula,
I beg to differ. Have you ever read the New Testament?
Everyone, from the disciples to complete strangers curse like a sailor… “Jesus-Christ this… Jesus-Christ that…”
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 18:21An excellent point, but the man Himself only said it once or twice. And if this week has shown us anything, it’s that if a saintly man like Rick Santorum can say a bad word, Jesus can throw a few around if he wants.
Posted by Smaktakula | April 1, 2012, 18:47Smaktakula,
You’ve used a capital “H” when referring to “H”im.
I hope you do the same when you talk about Le Clown.
Something like: Hle HClown.
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 18:50WHill dHo, Hle HClown H!
Posted by Smaktakula | April 1, 2012, 19:10I’m a Mac. Well I’m a Mc who likes Macs. I’m a McMac.
Posted by billmcmorrow | April 1, 2012, 18:53McMac,
You’re the man who makes me laugh after 72 hours of almost perfect insomnia. That’s a huge compliment.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 18:59Le Clown,
The howler didn’t appreciate the white jesus singing…. he started barking and growling immediately. despite of the growling… you gained a follower…
Posted by the howler and me | April 1, 2012, 19:05The howler and my daughter Lord Evil Poppy will be great friends, too.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 19:06It’s April fools day on Palm Sunday? you may be on to something with this post.
Posted by free penny press | April 1, 2012, 19:12Finally!!! One gets it!
Jesus is a big April Fool’s Bi-Millennium, right?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 19:14Yes Mr Le Clown
(now can I have my dollar?) lol
Posted by free penny press | April 1, 2012, 19:16i hit enter too quick.. the dollar is for the offering plate..of course
Posted by free penny press | April 1, 2012, 19:17This was practically incoherent in its invention. So it must be dogma!
In your case of course clownma.
A robe, some goat blood and a red nose and you have clowntholism.
Posted by redwheelbarrow1957 | April 1, 2012, 19:41Red,
Oh My White Baby Jesus… How could I have missed your comment… I’m such a Le Dick Clown. I sincerely apologize. And I have nothing else to add.
Le Sinner Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 2, 2012, 20:11You are a goof, oh wait you’re a clown
redundant.
Posted by redwheelbarrow1957 | April 2, 2012, 20:29Cher Clown,
Fuck Jesus.
Amen.
Posted by The InPhiluencer | April 1, 2012, 20:15Cher Phil,
He’s not my type. Sorry.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 21:05*gasping and giggling uncontrollably*
Le Clown FTW!
Veggiewitch ♥
Posted by Veggiewitch | April 2, 2012, 03:12VW
Baby White Jesus FTW!
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 2, 2012, 07:33Clown,
I hope it is fine that I hear everything you write in Quebecois?
Owl
Posted by owl | April 3, 2012, 03:59Owl,
It’s all good. I hope you don’t hear the Québécois cursing, nonetheless…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 3, 2012, 07:04Clown,
Merde, I forgot the accents aigu in “Québécois.” Oh I hear the curses. I hear them.
Owl
Posted by owl | April 3, 2012, 14:19