Last Saturday, I photoshopped a poster [occasionally, words don't come easy to me you're such a liar, 87-posts blogger-clown, or they come in French, which once qwertied, would be pretty useless to most of my readers]. On le magnifique poster, one can read: The Lorem Ipsum Blog Post – Thursday March 29. Today, Thursday March 29, this clown reads: How to put your foot in your mouth.
Today, I do not have a Lorem Ipsum post in me. This is not entirely accurate. I’d love to lorem ipsum this post:
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.
There, my end of the bargain has been respected. See you tomorrow. Please like this post whole heartedly, and let’s chat as usual in the Comments. I promise to be nice today. We can talk about how it’s snowing in Montreal, after Mother Nature tricked us with a phony rutting season last week (kids born in 9 months will be tagged as The Fucking Disappointments).
In real clown lorem ipsum, this post would’ve been about The Origin of A Clown on Fire, the topic proposed by Snotting Black, and voted by the majority of my readers. But I’m pulling my God card, and insisting on a rain check. Let’s have a virtual coffee together, shall we? Eva, is Mother Nature being a real beaver this morning on the West Coast? so you’ve gone blonde? Sweet Mother, how’s life after being Freshly Pressed? Jen - you self-proclaimed “devastatingly beautiful and charming” woman, a new post, finally… Thank you. The other Eva (or the first Eva, no fighting over who came first), loved your You Know You Are (Getting) Old If [Part 9].
Oh, and you… Zou Bisou Bisou?
Here to your southwest in Upstate New York Mr. Chickadee describes today’s weather forecast as “Crap / shit showers”.
I don’t think Mother Nature munches chodas. I think we’re all just suckers for believing her false promises, which she offers every year as if to test our ongoing foolishness. Every year we believe it again and then get all self-righteous because apparently we’re so incredibly smart that we believe the brainless “forecasting” of a stupid Pennsylvanian rodent rather than hundreds of years of wisdom about the changing of the seasons. We all know that above the 45th parallel, it’s not reliably spring until May. Quit deluding yourself.
Whoa, where did that vinegar come from?!?
Posted by DeeDee | March 29, 2012, 07:45DeeDee,
Quit raining on my parade. We’re having a lazy coffee morning…
Could you pass me the cream, please?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 07:51Mother Nature thanks you.
Posted by saradraws | March 29, 2012, 10:25Now you speak for Mother Nature?
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:26I prefer the original lorem ipsum to the English translation: H. Rackham’s 1914 translation: “Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?”
Posted by Clandestine Cuba | March 29, 2012, 08:23A Lorem Ipsum friend is a friend of the clown.
Would you mind holding Lord Evil Poppy while I make us breakfast?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 08:24I love this … but then I have a weird sense of humor. I am a former Latin geek and get a huge kick out of the fact that most people think the “Lorem Ipsum” text is Latin when they see it rather than gibberish which is what it is.
LOL …
Posted by Gillian Colbert | March 29, 2012, 10:16This post inspired my tomorrow post… I like the absurd… I love the absurd… But I won’t say much more as I won’t have anything else to write for tomorrow…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:22Newfie Lorem Ipsum!
http://frontendpost.com/newfieipsum/
Posted by SummerSolsticeGirl | March 29, 2012, 15:46SSG,
I Lorem Ipsum you right back.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 17:32Tres bien!
Posted by colincarman | March 29, 2012, 10:16Merci bien, cher lecteur!
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:22Dear Clown,
The Coffee’s great! Thanks! Better than Timmy’s… No really.
~KL
Posted by kzackuslheureux | March 29, 2012, 10:17KL,
About Timmy’s coffee… There, enough said.
Let me brew another pot. Don’t go anywhere.
Le Clown
Zou Bisou Bisou lalalalala….
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:25I like mine freshly ground, oily beans from Guatemala, please pour in the table cream first, so you can keep your spotted spoon out of my cup, then pour in the piping hot cofee, so it’s naturally churned. I hope you have a bunn, because I can’t just stand here, waiting all day.
mmm
And Thank You, mmm, mmm, coffee
Posted by kzackuslheureux | March 29, 2012, 10:31Will fresh [real] croissant do?
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:33does it have dark chocolate stuffed into it? If not, it will still do. Thanks, I’m STARVING!
Posted by kzackuslheureux | March 29, 2012, 10:36There’s one chocolate stuffed left, and one amandine. Please, have it.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:40Oh Thank you, thank you. I haven’t had one of these in four years! Long years. Mean, cold, cruel years. Can I get a napkin please?
~KL
Posted by kzackuslheureux | March 29, 2012, 10:45It’s been soiled by my daughter Lord Evil Poppy’s spit, is it ok (it’s her new passing fad, spitting on everything)?
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:48Clown,
What, do I look like some trash-diving bum, to you!?
I’m going to go grind some oily coffee beans, this may be a long, disapointing day.
Cheers, KL
Posted by kzackuslheureux | March 29, 2012, 10:52I made the mistake of reading out loud your comment, and Lord Evil Poppy started Latin incantations and I can only decipher your name….
Good luck indeed.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:54As usual, darling, the weather is disturbingly lovely here at the edge of the Pacific. I am consoled, however, by the possibilities created by a head of golden curls. Why, I look positively angelic these days!
Posted by Eva Halloween | March 29, 2012, 10:22Eva,
Here you are… Tell me, what do you see out your window?
There’s a grey sky here, and a few snowflakes.
But I have to say Spencer Krug’s new cd makes it all better.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:29The mornings here are pleasantly gray before the sun burns everything away into blue skies. Today I watched fog roll over the ocean, which always pleases me.
Posted by Eva Halloween | March 29, 2012, 10:46My father-in-law lives in Sausalito, CA, and shares some of your love for the fog over the ocean… I guess when you live in a boathouse, you learn to appreciate such beauties.
This coffee get-together is making me all gooey. I should spike the coffee…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:51Obligatory comment.
Posted by saradraws | March 29, 2012, 10:26My stats thank you.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 10:30I beg of you, please do not ever create something with Comic Sans font. I’m embarrassed to admit that it was my choice font during my teen years. Light purple and 16 point size. It’s like I was trying to figure out how to offend every possible person.
Also, kudos on being able to fit “devastatingly beautiful and charming” in there. I didn’t think you could do it, but you rose to the occasion and proved me wrong.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | March 29, 2012, 11:31Jen,
Sorry, I had to run to the store and pick up more croissants as you readers ate everything and there was nothing left for Dotty who hasn’t dropped by yet…
Yes, Mother Nature is lucky I didn’t use the Comic Sans font. Like the word “shame”, it should be removed from our existence.
And of course I would indulge you when it comes to a challenge. You’re Jen, from Sips of Jen and Tonic after all…
Now… Tea or coffee?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 12:21At this point in the work week, definitely coffee.
Posted by Jen and Tonic | March 29, 2012, 12:25Thank you for the coffee! I’ll take it with cream and sugar. Oh! may I have one of those croissants as well? I agree whole-heartedly that Mother Nature is a nasty b-witch. (Since she already does Latin incantations, I don’t want to add to Lord Evil Poppy’s vocabulary.) Although, today it is supposed to rain, so that’s okay. I just wish the temperature were something other than the 80′s already. This does not bode well for the summer people! We had 80′s in February! Sighs. I believe that Mother Nature will continue baking Texas this year. Now let’s see if she just uses the sun or throws fire in there again this year.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | March 29, 2012, 11:59TAOTBB,
I wish we would be baking like you Texans.
I guess I’m just looking forward to be able to open the windows of our igloo, and let some air in. It gets stuffy in here, you know, with Lord Evil Poppy’s diapers and mine.
Here, I just picked up some more cream. Careful not to spill some on you.
The Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 12:25I was raised further north (not nearly as far north as y’all) and would go back in a heartbeat! I am hoping to move to Colorado in 2.5 years or so. I miss snow.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | March 29, 2012, 12:34Anecdote (while we’re enjoying this breakfast turning into a brunch):
A few years back, I’m in Vermont, which is 2 1/2 hours South of Montreal. In the B&B I’m staying, there’s a couple from California. The woman asks:
“Why do you come to Vermont? For the heat?”
Yes, for the heat and to get away from our igloos and icebergs…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 12:37I have only one reply to this…
http://www.weather.com/outlook/weather-news/news/articles/2011-heat-superlatives_2011-07-15
You will notice how many times TX shows up. And how many Austin itself shows up. Trust me, heat is not all it is cracked up to be.
Posted by theartistryofthebipolarbrain | March 29, 2012, 12:51Le Clown,
You kept your word! LOL
The coffee smells good but I’d prefer chocolat chaud.
Thanks!
Eva
Posted by wheresmytbackandotherstories | March 29, 2012, 12:37Eva,
I can make you a hot cup of cocoa.
Would you like some whipped cream on it too?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 12:38Oh no, calories! In a paper cup please.
LOL
Eva
Posted by wheresmytbackandotherstories | March 29, 2012, 12:40Eva,
That is so environmentally unfriendly of you.
Tsk. Tsk. Here, use my reusable cup. Wash it and bring it back next time you visit.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 12:45Dear clown,
You had a coffee morning? How odd. Did you knit yourself a sock?
And where’s my coffee, why isn’t it ready – I don’t drink tea?
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | March 29, 2012, 13:32Dotty,
Here you are! Yes, we had coffee, tea, scones and Cumberland sausages. And by we, I don’t mean me and the many voices in my head.
I don’t knit, but I did apply my clown make-up as usual.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 13:50Dear clown,
Do a dance for me then. I came all this way, the least you can do is entertain me.
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | March 29, 2012, 14:19Dotty,
I’m so caffeined up, I can’t say “no” to you.
Here’s my best Chaplin interpretation.
Do you like it?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 14:22Dear clown,
No. Your legs are too bowed.
Do the hokey cokey and turn around.
That’s what it’s all about.
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | March 29, 2012, 14:43Dotty,
Thank you. As a fellow Brit, you know Chaplin better than I ever will.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 14:44Mr The Clown,
so me telling you it’s so sunny outside I think my retinas are shot (my feet are typing), it’s 88 degrees (F) and breezy like the Bahamas? I’m working from home in shorts and drinking something tall & cool..
No? ok, it’s snowing..lol
Posted by free penny press | March 29, 2012, 15:17Lynne,
You’re a bit late but perfect timing to help me do the dishes…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 15:27I’m always late for the party… and I was a maid during my blossoming college years..
Posted by free penny press | March 29, 2012, 15:53I watched MadMen, loved her song!
Posted by Eggkins | March 29, 2012, 16:50Eggkins,
Ain’t Mad Men a great show?
I say let’s thank the Gods for Joan Holloway.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 18:29Yes, Christina Hendrix is a knowckout. I don’t get how her face and chin stay so tiny when she carries a rack and hips like that?
Posted by Eggkins | March 29, 2012, 18:47Who’s Christina Hendricks?
I know Joan Holloway…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 18:50Love the mad men banner a la Clown!
Posted by Eggkins | March 29, 2012, 18:53i don’t even know what’s happening here, but i know that i love it. is it really snowing in montreal? what is a choda? is that like the spanish chocha? because if so, dirty burty. i now have to go to all those links. looking forward to it. thank you again, for the inspiring ride through your mind, which is often like what i imagine lsd to feel like. wouldn’t know though as i’m too chicken sh*t to try it, though wifesy’s done mushrooms, but then she’s always braver than me. momma loves you, clown. momma loves you. – me
Posted by sweetmother | March 29, 2012, 17:10If I remember correctly, I once saw Robin Williams been interviewed by Oprah (do you know her in the US?)… Anyway, Oprah had said something about how great it would be to be in Robin Williams’ brain, to which he replied: “No, you don’t wan’t that… You have no clue what’s in there”…
I am of course paraphrasing, but you have the gist…
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 18:28From the reliable Urban Dictionary:
Choda: The stretch of skin (usually furry in nature) which connects the genitals to the asshole.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 18:34Thanks for coffee Le Clown. You are indeed a kind person, a vulgar, but kind person. Can’t believe how you found an excuse to use the word choda in your post. You’re a fucking genius. P.S. What is a god card? Is it like a credit card?
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 29, 2012, 19:04Ok. Enough with the vulgar/LSD references…
For the record, Sara taught me the word “choda”, and you’d be surprised who enjoyed LSD as a teen in this house… And it’s not this clown…
Le Kind Hearted Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 19:13Dear Le Kind Hearted Clown.
LSD? Who’s talking about LSD? Of course Sara taught you the word choda. Choda is not vulgar. It’s a rarely used word and I applause the use of rarely used word. Is LSD good? Or did you munch in too much coffee?
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 29, 2012, 19:27It’s SweetMother on a comment above.
*Sob*. She said *sob*: [your] mind is what i imagine lsd to feel like. *sob. *boohoohoo*.
*Sob*
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | March 29, 2012, 19:31Sorry Le Clown. I didn’t see the LDS coming. I’m tired. It’s the REAL jobs fault. At least I earned REAL moolah. Soon I can go sight seeing in Manitoba.
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 29, 2012, 19:45It was 85 degrees a week ago, now it’s back in the 30′s. Fucking global cooling.
Posted by billmcmorrow | March 29, 2012, 22:39I think most kids should be tagged as that, regardless of how long it took them to get out. I was a ten month wait. My fingernails were so long that I actually scratched my own face up pretty bad and still have the scar on my cheek. The scary thing is that story contains no hyperbole.
I’m excited to hear your origin story, Mr. On Fire.
Posted by Posky | March 30, 2012, 00:18What the hell was that Zou Bisou Bisou clip from… Les Francofolies ’62 (indoor edition)? Is her old car named “Zou”? It would make a good jingle for a used car dealership ad on “Bleu Nuit” at 2 a.m.
Cute, in a sort of embarrassing way!
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 1, 2012, 04:04HoaiPhai,
I’m guessing you don’t watch Mad Men? This was from the first episode this season.
Uncomfortable, isn’t it?
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 07:56No, I haven’t seen Mad Men (I don’t have “live” TV… just DVDs).
It’s embarrassing having to admit being part of the same civilization that produced it! Ha-ha!
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 1, 2012, 08:02Funny Raccoon.
I have a feeling you would enjoy it.
It’s about advertising, and the 50s (and 60s) are wonderfully portrayed. It would be like home for you.
And there’s even a French Montrealer character.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 1, 2012, 08:04