We haven’t slept for years… at least since March 6, 2012. You know it’s bad when insomnia isn’t the reason for your lack of sleep. The devil is to blame, and she won’t let us have a full night of sleep until we give in to all of her demands: a 60 inch TV, a brand new Dell Inspiron 560 computer and a new pair of socks. Until then, Morpheus moved out.
We’re a sad, utterly nonfunctional bunch. We came back from a week at the in-laws, where we were loved and fed, on Monday. Before we left, we tidied up the house, we fed the cats and frogs, cleaned the litter, made our beds, and changed the toilet paper roll. From the moment we stepped in, it took a staggering 27 minutes for the dishes to stack up, for the laundry to form a new carpet and for our downstairs’ neighbour to complain about the smell. Sisyphus prefers his boulder.
I can't even write a 200 word blog post anymore...
(From Good Night and Tough Luck, by Christoph Niemann, 2009).
sleep is so 2009. i think there’s an app that could solve all your problems.
Posted by the circular runner | March 15, 2012, 14:44I remember 2009.
It was a great vintage year.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 14:57yes, but avoid the Merlot–always avoid Merlot
Posted by the circular runner | March 15, 2012, 16:08hilarious
Posted by Colleen Dubois Photography | March 15, 2012, 14:46I’m happy my misfortune is making you laugh.
Pfft.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 14:57sleep, clowny, sleeeeeeep
Posted by sweetmother | March 15, 2012, 14:47The other way around would be creepy, wouldn’t it?
“Sleep, mother, Sleeeeeeep” – whispered a clown…
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:02Have you tried the book “Go the Fuck to Sleep”? LOL. Get the book on tape, featuring Samuel L. Jackson.
I wish I could link the youtube, but I’m mobile.
Posted by Tallulah "Lulu" Stark | March 15, 2012, 14:49We’re big fans (as in real fans – not large fans) of this book, and of Sam Jackson’s rendition.
Thanks Lulu,
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:00You know, when that book first came out in all of it’s controversy, I said to my husband, “You know who would be great for the book on tape?” Finally, after it’s release, they announced it was going to be Sam Jackson. Oh! How perfect is that?!
Posted by Tallulah "Lulu" Stark | March 16, 2012, 09:38Lotta caffeine helps. 99% sure.
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 15, 2012, 15:23Anette,
Thank you for being there. Another pot it is.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:24Hey cof I made something for ya. No it’s not coffee. Another 99%’ er. Check it out: http://anettehermann.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/the-evening-show/
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 15, 2012, 17:40Oh btw your new header images is really… cool.
Posted by Ink. [Anette] | March 15, 2012, 15:24Thank you.
It’s what I look like before coffee in the morning.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:27A few things you can try: melatonin drops (Vivitas is what we used when the twins were 3-ish and too busy to sleep); cumin seeds (steep them in hot water and sweeten with maple syrup); lavender EO (drop some lavender essential oil on her lamp bulb about 1/2 an hour before you bring her to bed); foot massage (again, if you have some lavender cream, or EO to mix a tiny amount into a base cream, you can rub her feet for a few minutes – it increases blood flow to her feet making them warm, and also releases beta-endorphins to help her relax). I’m not going to say these will work, but they may help. DON’T threaten with the “Bean Man” (Jack and the Beanstallk Bean Man), and say you’ll try your hand at growing beans instead… the children NEVER forget!
Posted by Veggiewitch | March 15, 2012, 15:28I’ll share something with you: I’m an insomniac. I am, and was for years, until I met Sara. I’m not trying to be publicly nice to my wife, but I have been sleeping better since I’ve known her.
Occasionally, I don’t sleep. And I go for melatonin. It works of for me.
The problem is Lord Evil Poppy. And the cure is Brandy, or Sherry. I’m convinced.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:36I miss having a good night sleep. I’d go for some heavy duty psychodic meds right now. Oh I think your wife is mad at me. ;-(
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 15:39CR45,
There was a psychotic blue pill my wife had, which was quite lovely.
But rather addictive. Not that I would ever touch my wife’s meds.
I just read about this stuff. On the interwebs.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 16:10I don’t remember being mad at you…. where? when? Can we kiss and make up?
Posted by saradraws | March 15, 2012, 18:33oh you are COFs wife? LOL, I got mixed up. Im sorry, I dont think we’ve even got a chance to meet well online lol. But yeah if you wanna kiss and make up sure lol lets go for it!
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 18:36Uh OH! COF, you have another wife!? You are so busted buddy
Glad to know there was a mix up. I was wracking my brains trying to figure out who I was mad at….
Posted by saradraws | March 15, 2012, 18:50I guess it’s time I introduce you to DrawnIn…
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 18:53sorry bout that, im glad that I know that now. half the reason I was worried about her being mad was because I thought she was COFs wife. Now I feel better. And I have no idea what made me get that in my head lol
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 18:54Look everyone……………..
SQUIRREL!!!!!
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 18:58delete it lol im so stupid today been doing too much research.
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 19:00At least sisyphus had something constantly to look forward to… Bright side? Meh?
Posted by Hannah | March 15, 2012, 15:53I command your optimism, Hannah.
And…. Meh.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 15:56Weed
Posted by Adrienne schmadrienne | March 15, 2012, 16:02Unless of course you’re an officer of the law. If so, someone just hacked into my wordpress and left that comment!
Posted by Adrienne schmadrienne | March 15, 2012, 16:03He’s not an occifer, but he’s a straight edge. I will partake on his behalf, though.
Posted by saradraws | March 15, 2012, 18:34Weed used to be wonderful.
Now I see clowns everywhere on it. Not so wonderful.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 16:07COF man, how the hell can I get rid of this!
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 17:46Pouf! It’s gone!
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 17:50tanky tanky
Posted by carlarenee45 | March 15, 2012, 18:29Ah..sleep is overated.. let’s see how long you can stay awake for.. might get you fresh-pressed!!
Posted by free penny press | March 15, 2012, 18:12Let’s try it.
We’ve been not sleeping since February 2010.
I’m sure I can go for another year.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 15, 2012, 18:19Yes.. love that determination!1
Posted by free penny press | March 15, 2012, 18:24Look at you. Killin’ it. Winning hearts, followers, and a free iPad 3 if you press this link. http://www.iloveappleproductslikemymother.com. And all on no sleep.
Posted by Stacie Chadwick | March 15, 2012, 23:45Dear Clown,
PRACTICE PATIENCE. You’ll need it because when she’s old enough to discover BOYS you won’t sleep at all, for at least 8 years. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Love Dotty xxx
Posted by Dotty Headbanger | March 16, 2012, 04:02Dear Dotty,
My daughter will know best. Simply.
CoF
Posted by clownonfire | March 16, 2012, 07:47Love the header!
Posted by The Uncle In The Attic | March 16, 2012, 14:38Sisyphus was always terrible at getting his rocks off. I only get about five hours a night, myself.
Posted by ernestwhile | April 13, 2012, 11:39Ernest,
For the five hours you’re getting:
Fuck off.
Le Clown
Posted by clownonfire | April 14, 2012, 08:03