By Clown On Fire / Sara Lomas
Throughout this life, I have vacillated between different levels of pretentiousness: mildly pretentious, moderately pretentious and Sting/Bono Vox/Gwyneth Paltrow pretentious. There are past versions of me which I would gladly lure into a back alley and kick the shit out of. And some others I would make out with. Now I’m not trying to force an intro on being pretentious that would segue into being a Hipster… Actually, yes I would.
Picture by Nicolas "Capt'n" Bazinet, poster child of the "Hipster" revolution
As part of my research on Hipsterism, I crowdsourced among self-proclaimed non-Hipsters what exactly is a Hipster to them. I’ve randomly selected some of the answers.
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Sara L. 1. Hipster: Skinny white person with a deep affection for irony 2. Hipster: One part unattractive clothing, one part middle-upper class parents, one part irony 3. Hipster: Sheep in wolf’s second hand clothing |
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Thoma D. Moi je suis hippy. Translation: The true sign of a Hipster is the denial of being a Hipster. |
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Jean-Sébastien C. Je suis un ancien hippy et définitivement pas un Hipster! Translation: The true sign of a Hipster is the denial of being a Hipster. |
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Sophie G. Hipsters could only dream of having a Klout score of 64 like I do. |
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David B. Je suis un drummer ET expert sénior en SEO qui bosse chez Cossette. Translation: The true sign of a Hipster is the denial of being a Hipster. |
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The Baz Mon pas de réponse à ton courriel, c’est tellement hipster dude. I’m over responding to emails. Contacte-moi via pinterest, tsé. Translation: I have Hipster tattooed under my beard. |
According to Uncyclopedia, Montreal is “Canada’s unrivaled Hipster capital, and possibly [of] the entire Americas”. It’s sad to say, but where else can you find a random guy going to a a formal soirée in his red undies?
Random Hipster in undies during a soirée. I have used Zooey Deschanel's face to keep his identity private. She is also prettier.
They say that if you question your own sanity, you’re not insane, since the truly batshit never doubt their own batshittery. Does the same apply to Hipsterism?
To apply a very scientific method, I created this handy dandy “Am I a Hipster?” quiz.
| AM I A HIPSTER? | YAY | NAY |
| I have been known to sport a beard | ✔ | |
| I drive a Civic | ✔ | |
| I wear hats that don’t actually keep my head warm | ✔ | |
| I had kids (voluntarily) | ✔ | |
| My wife is phenomenally beautiful | ✔ | |
| I shop at the mall | ✔ | |
| I know what quinoa is and how to pronounce it | ✔ | |
| I own Star Wars figurines | ✔ |
Looks like the results are inconclusive (maybe I’m half Hipster, half aging geek dad). I invite you to add your own criteria for proof of Hipsterism or lack thereof.
So …. these Buddy Holly glasses of mine put me in dangerous territory, don’t they?
Posted by transparentguy | February 25, 2012, 08:40Are you ironic and talk about rainbow farting unicorns to your closest friends – actually, to whomever wants to listen?
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 08:42I shall closely monitor my symptoms from now on.
Posted by transparentguy | February 25, 2012, 08:43Thanks for reading, Dude.
I have a feeling we’ll be talking again, but I’m not excited at all by the idea of it.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 08:45Word.
Posted by transparentguy | February 25, 2012, 08:46Bollocks! (yes, I’m using this word for the first time in my life… must be because I watched V for Vendetta a few days ago)
Posted by Capt'n Baz | February 25, 2012, 09:43Guy Fawkes is a hipster douchebag, and you’ve read this here first.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 09:44Eegads.
First — introspection and self-awareness are admirable qualities, so yay you!
Second — based on denial and love of irony alone, I would qualify as a hipster, but my nickname is (the) Hipster because Thoughts Appear gave it to me. I think she meant it ironically.
Third — I’m not really a hippie (hence the URL) because I was born at the end of the baby boomer generation and they tend to shun me as too young, but I am older than the hipster generation and they shun me for a whole lot of reasons, including being too old.
Fourth — I have a stupid hat picture that I have considered posting but . . . why? . . .It did not keep my head warm.
Fifth — (Using digits would have been easier, but I’m too far along to change it now) — When I was in 9th grade, there was a field trip to Canada for the students in French classes. One day a group of us were walking around Montreal, an extremely large, bearded man in a fur coat and hat, knowing that we were stupid American children, approached us and said, Aimez-vous le rock and roll?,” laughed ironically, and scooped up our chaperone, who was terrified. He fascinated me.
I’ve been here longer than I had planned. Fun post. You’re cool, whoever you are.
Posted by Hippie Cahier | February 25, 2012, 09:50When you can’t come up with a reply that is as worthy as the comment, always revert to well-known facts:
The true sign of a Hipster is the denial of being a Hipster.
Hippie, always a pleasure to read you. No irony in this.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 09:54Hip Hip Whatever.
Posted by saradraws | February 25, 2012, 10:55I’m not replying to this.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 11:09I am not a hipster. I went looking for jeans (in a mall) for the first time since the assassination of JFK. I could find narrow, straight and loose fit but nothing at all in under-the-armpit. My hats look like the ones worn by Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. Thanks for visiting my blog; I will continue to visit yours and we can both take our chances.
Posted by Curmudgeon-at-Large | February 25, 2012, 12:22Let’s pretend to be friends. Next stop, Facebook.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 12:32I have three Yays and 5 Nays. What does that mean?
*disclaimer: I’m the kind of woman that cannot grow a beard although I’ve been known to wear a moustache for Movember. Also, I used to own Star War Lego sets when I was a teenager
Posted by SummerSolsticeGirl | February 25, 2012, 13:48You’re my twin. By default, it makes you as confused as I am.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 13:51One word for Hipster: Creed
Posted by awrenfro | February 25, 2012, 17:27Creed. Terrible band. You’re so ironic.
Posted by clownonfire | February 25, 2012, 17:29Heard them at the 5K this morning. Almost stopped my legs.
Posted by awrenfro | February 25, 2012, 17:30Loved this!
Posted by theinnerhipster | February 25, 2012, 22:33Oh my. I have omitted to answer your comment within the acceptable time frame the proper etiquette requires me to…. So un-hipsterish of me….
Posted by clownonfire | February 26, 2012, 12:32Reblogged this on innerhipster.com and commented:
Excellent read from another possible hipster!
Posted by theinnerhipster | February 25, 2012, 22:34This post was wonderful! I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny but I almost peed my pants from laughing so much and it put a huge smile on my face, true story!
Posted by backstreetbirds | February 26, 2012, 06:59I’ll let the post know how wonderful you thought it was. It will be happy. Posts don’t get enough love, I think. They have feelings too.
Posted by clownonfire | February 26, 2012, 07:17I comment. Therefore, I am not hipster. But I don’t admit to being hipster. So, I guess you’ve let me talk myself into being one in denial. Stop me from rambling on before I end up moving to Montreal!!
Posted by daddyranman | February 26, 2012, 13:28You should not comment while trying to button up your daughter’s pjs.
Posted by clownonfire | February 26, 2012, 13:372 hands allow me to multitask. Or not. Whatever. I’m not hipstering. My daughter can wait.
Posted by daddyranman | February 26, 2012, 20:10If to be a hipster, you must deny being a hipster, doesn’t that make us all hipsters???
Posted by LaughingMyAssOffAtMyLife | February 26, 2012, 20:37Socrates is a mortal and a hipster and wears a flannel shirt… Yeah, something like that.
Posted by clownonfire | February 26, 2012, 21:47Is it like a Hipster to feel kind of revolted when they have the revelation that they might be a Hipster? I’m thinking about all of my scarves, especially the ones that don’t keep my neck warm in the winter, but keep me blazing in the summer. My Buddy Holly glasses, when I’m not as vain as to put my contacts in. Then there are the “novelty” things I own. And the fact that I refuse to give up bleach blonde hair, cut like Zoey Dashenel’s. Oh, and the fact that I can find “The Goonies” playing on any channel every weekend.
Oh, I think I hate myself enough to turn into a d-bag, pay $160 for a pageboy haircut, and get some khakis. No, maybe not that much.
Posted by Tallulah "Lulu" Stark | March 2, 2012, 13:28Lulu! I don’t know if I should actually comment on what you have written, or on how happy I am to have you here? Tough call.
Posted by clownonfire | March 2, 2012, 13:43Both *smile*. How are you?
Posted by Tallulah "Lulu" Stark | March 5, 2012, 10:16It’s a good Monday, Lulu.
Hope it’s the same for you.
Posted by clownonfire | March 5, 2012, 10:26Not sure yet. My Monday hasn’t really begun yet. My son is still sleeping (long night last night), and I haven’t started getting ready for work yet. We’ll see what Monday at work holds. Third grade today. At least I have been keeping up on my lesson plans!
Posted by Tallulah "Lulu" Stark | March 5, 2012, 10:28Awesome….according to your quick and dirty test, I’m a hipster. I wear flatcaps, have Velma-ish glasses and have a hot girlfriend. And to add insult to injury, we occasionally sport mustaches for our buddies who participate in Movember.
Posted by Adrienne schmadrienne | March 6, 2012, 21:23Perfect. You just earned a new follower.
Posted by clownonfire | March 6, 2012, 23:35Reblogged this on running in circles and commented:
see if you are a hipster
Posted by the circular runner | March 13, 2012, 04:02I’d never make out with myself. I smell like rancid beer.
Posted by liquorstorebear | March 17, 2012, 02:18Should you really be creating a hipster quiz and then taking it? The reliability of the quiz itself is dependent upon your being an expert on hipster culture. If you aren’t the foremost expert on this then your test is flawed and in turn any results from taking it. If you take the test and don’t score a perfect hipster score then your test itself is flawed. Besides that, being hip hasn’t itself been hip in a long time. It used to be that as soon as some trend was recognized by the mainstream media, soccer moms and tv commercials, the trend was over…e.g. 90s moshing…now a trend can have a 5+ year run and appear on network tv banking commercials…and the “hip” crowd is like “look we’ve been validated! Lets continue this tired aesthetic until we’re absolutely forced to create a new one! Originality is really hard ;( “
Posted by Carl (yep that one) | January 11, 2013, 14:29Carl,
In layman’s terms, what you’re saying [in this case writing] is that Tom Cruise isn’t hip?
Le Clown
Posted by Le Clown | January 11, 2013, 14:33